of epitaphs

You’ve decided that your next post should be about C and his girl H. A perfectly good friendship has come to an end, and an epitaph is due.

Flashback

You first lay eyes on C through the boyfriend many years ago when you two were just friends (no, really). He had just been on a trip with some firangs and was showing (off) all those fancy pictures when you asked, who’s that guy leaning on the bike in the background?

Next thing you know, you’re hearing stories about how great this guy is and what a stud, for he has bedded almost fifty women! You’re told that he never lies to get into women’s pants. He doesn’t need to. You’re not sure if you like him that much as a person, but do acknowledge that he is jaw-droppingly handsome. He loves to travel and is into bikes, and that sounds interesting enough. Later, you trawl through his Facebook profile and notice that he is always posing with stray dogs or women and leaning on bikes. You’re not really sure you like him that much. Besides, you’re already married and don’t want to pursue this anyway. Honesty dictates that you admit that you do find his tattoos and bad boy behavior a teensy bit attractive.

Fast forward to recent times

You’re now divorced and in a “just friends” relationship with the boyfriend. You run into C at a party that you almost decide not to go to. He’s hitting on you and you can tell, but the naive almost-boyfriend doesn’t see it.

The three of you are getting along, and C suggests a weekend biking trip. You jump up, because this will give you and the almost-boyfriend more time together. You’d like that! But you insist that he bring a date, which he does.

Enter H, one of C’s booty calls. You think she’s a perfectly wonderful woman, who seems to be custom-made for him. You see their chemistry and give them your blessings within the three hours that it takes you to reach your destination.

In the months that follow, C goes through the yo-yo of wanting and not wanting to be with her, but within a year’s time, they’re married.

Fast forward to, like, a few months ago

It’s your birthday and the party’s taking place at C and H’s house. Not a grand affair, just the four of you and two other guests. It’s a theme party, you’re very excited. Everyone’s laughing and drinking and generally having a good time. At some point, you become aware of C looking in your direction. Staring, even. You become a little uncomfortable and shift in your seat, but you know it means nothing. You’re his bro’s almost-girlfriend, after all. So you laugh nervously when at the cake-cutting, a very drunk C sniffs your hair (yuck!) and announces you smell great.

A while later, you wake up to the sound of vicious yelling and counter-yelling, drool in one corner of your mouth, completely clueless.

The rest of the night is spent like a yo-yo between the two camps. C is firing bazookas at H while she throws grenades back at him. I’ll tell you what’s wrong, she roars. All the while you’re telling the almost-boyfriend that you hate it when you’ve to be part of ‘discussions’ like this.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

An hour later, almost-boyfriend is sitting with H telling her she should not be running out of the house in the middle of the night. You, on the other hand, are stuck in a similar situation with C. You tell him he can sleep around all he wants but doesn’t need to rub it in H’s face. He grins and puts his arm in your neck (like a noose, almost) and pulls you to him. You begin to laugh uncontrollably because you have no idea how to react.

H. walks in and asks what you’re talking about. You don’t know what to say, so you tell here general stuff. General stuff my ass.

Somehow, the day breaks and you gather your stuff and leave. On the way home, you give almost-boyfriend an earful about how his friend behaved with you. He cannot think ill of his bro, so he thinks it’s just a misunderstanding.

An hour after that, C calls to check if you two were doing the hanky panky, coz H is really mad at him. You hurl a few abuses at him telling him what you really think of him, and hang up. You tell the almost-boyfriend, and he (finally) sees it.

You decide you to refer to him as C-for-ChamanChu in the future. Not that you see him around much in your future.