of nothingness

Days pass, and you think of a million different things to talk to the boyfriend fiance about.

All you want to do is pour your secrets out. At first it’s easy to do. You talk about the blog and he tells you how much he enjoys reading it. Then he offers to stop reading if that makes you uncomfortable. Surprisingly enough, you don’t care anymore.

Then you start talking about your childhood. The difficult stuff. Sometimes even you are shocked by the things you say.You’ve never talked about these things before, and your words and feelings seem so moldy, so rusted and crumbly from being kept in a dark damp locked-up place for so long. 

Sometimes, as you talk, you burst into tears. Sometimes you laugh so hard you’re afraid a vein in your head is going to pop.

At the end of two hours, you realize you have no more tears and no more smiles inside of you. You feel quiet. You now know and love all the women who live inside of you. And you’re sure you never want to have secrets from him again, no more barriers holding you back.