of not knowing

What were you thinking?

I wasn’t. But then again, why must I think so much? It’s an anonymous blog for god’s sake!

Yes, it is, but only for now. Sooner or later someone will figure it out, and what then?

You pause. You don’t care. You really don’t. All you want to do is get things out of your system no matter how much grief the fiancé gives you about washing dirty laundry in public. Wasn’t that supposed to be the idea? Doing what makes you happy?

What about wanting to be an honest chronicler, wanting to have someone make a movie about your life?

This isn’t fair. You shouldn’t have to filter what you write. You’re already filtering what you say, is that not enough?

But you don’t understand…

What don’t I understand? You hate your parents and don’t want them involved. But understand this – you’re acting on impulse. A couple of years later you’re going to forget about all this and forgive them, too. And then what? What if they read this and this and this? How are they going to feel?

You don’t know if it matters that much to you. Not just yet.

Advertisements

Published by

anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

9 thoughts on “of not knowing”

  1. Some memoirist once said if people didn’t want to be written about in a negative light then they should have behaved better. I’ve washed much of my dirty laundry in this public forum and not anonymously. I might come to regret it later but it’s what I had to do to at the time. Only you can be the judge of the consequences you can handle.

    Like

      1. Creep away. It’s actually Anne Lamott. You’re e wandered to the wrong word. Have you ever heard this quote?

        “I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.”

        A woman after my own heart.

        Like

  2. Dear friend…welcome to the world I live in, too. Thankfully, hubby grits his teeth and bears it. I do practice a (little) bit of restraint. Just a little. Good luck and i know you’ll find your perfectly balanced voice.

    Like

      1. You’ll find your way…together! My hubby is more comfortable now that I don’t repost my articles on Facebook. He doesn’t mind if I get personal as long as I’m careful with what I share in our family and close friend space. It’s not even that we have secrets–he’s just more comfortable when I keep it between me and my blogger friends 🙂

        Like

Say something. You know you want to!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s