So I’ve been sick and working from home, which is worse than going to work, coz you know, you work and you cook and open the door two thousand times a day. And you’re also working. Did I say that already?
Since I’ve been sick the past two days, some people I know decided to drop in for dinner and make me pasta and some conversation. At times like these, slowly but surely the conversation turns to sex. We get drunk and talk about how overrated monogamy is and we chortle over fiascos over trying new positions. It’s kinda become tradition by now to do this. Get drunk. Talk personal stuff. Laugh. Go to bed. Wake up with a hangover to the blaring alarm.
Sounds fun, right?
Wrong. Imagine the same stories being told and retold over and over again. And then some. Imagine forced laughter. How many times can you find the same stories funny? Ha ha, remember the time that we were having sex in our car and almost got caught? Oh please! Cut me a break, will you!
So tonight was no different. Except that I was PMSing and dreading the same old.
So when one of the girls, who works a freelance artist and misses no chance to rub that in my face, wanted to know how I deal with the monotony of sitting at a computer all day long, I went, oh I drink coffee. Keeps me awake. And I masturbate. A little delight like that in the middle of the day really cheers me up!
You should’ve seen her face change color. She turned more red than the wine she was drinking. Her boyfriend’s fork paused mid-air. The third one muffled her “excuse me?”, but her expression gave her away. Obviously, they scooted out of my apartment as soon as they could without making their discomfort obvious. But it was obvious. In the end, I was feeling kinda stupid myself for having said it. Anyhow, I’m home alone now, a little drunk and a little drowsy and I‘ve gotten rid of the
pests guests and can just go to sleep. But not before I spend some time gloating about having made people uncomfortable.
Are you hung up about masturbation too? Ever had a similar conversation with someone where you shocked people out of their wits?