of obsessions

I woke up this morning feeling like crap. The house seemed to crowd around me. I had melted into oblivion. The disorder was all that existed. There were no sounds, no fiance, no thoughts of love or happiness. Just a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and the vulgarity of the laundry basket and the clothes spilling out of it; the unutterable chaos that was my night stand.

It suddenly began to torment me that I’ve been living in the same mess for over a year. The fiance’s a slob, and has turned me into one. I didn’t know what was more horrifying to me, the fact that our home is basically a dump or that I have learned to live with it. And then the devil struck. It was as though I woke up on a different planet, and I could see only the laundry basket and the side stand. I lost all control. I had to clean. Right away.

I spent two hours cleaning the house today, muttering mean things to the fiance under my breath, treating him like an incompetent employee I couldn’t fire. He was trying to help, but is so awful at helping we ended up breaking a whole set of wine glasses. Yes, the same ones that have been sitting on the dining table for a week now. At least I don’t have to bother putting them back on the shelf anymore!

After we were done, I was still in a sulky mood, so he made me tea and sat me down. It was working great, until he said: Hey, I get that you like to live in a clean house and I’m no help at all, but that’s not reason enough for you to get depressed. I don’t know how to deal with this, you know, when life’s a breeze for months on end, and then suddenly wake up and start doing this. You’re freaking me out!

I was livid. I wanted to say: Not reason enough? Really? Do you know what goes on in my mind in those peaceful months? What do you know of obsessions anyway?  There’s never a moment when I’m not thinking about cleaning. Some days I feel so low I almost feel paralyzed. I don’t want to even wake up because I’m afraid of what I’ll get to see. Part of me wants to set the house on fire so I know that I can start setting it up from scratch. But sorry for the inconvenience dude. I know you’re late for work today because of me.

Then I remembered that he does know how it feels to be depressed. He is clinically depressed. He is battling two dissociative disorders.

I’m sorry. I don’t want to freak you out baby. I just feel so paralyzed some days.

I know sweetheart. You know what, we’re going to spend this entire weekend cleaning.

I think I may be more obsessed with him than with cleaning, after all.

with anawnimister
with anawnimister
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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

19 thoughts on “of obsessions”

  1. You wrote this for the prompt? wow that was pretty fast. I especially like the line, “treating him like an incompetent employee I couldn’t fire.” hysterical. But very touching in the end. Thanks for your contribution..

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    1. The second I posted it, I saw the prompt and then decided to link it. After I did that, I realized that you wanted posts specifically written in response to your post, so I removed the link, but somehow the pingback refuses to go away!
      😐
      Happy you enjoyed it, though! All’s well that ends well, I guess!

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    1. Thank you very much! Now that I have you here I should probably take the opportunity to ask you what Shardoma means. At first I thought it was the name of the cat in the pic, but then I noticed another post with the word, and now I’m baffled!

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  2. You write your experience so well. I felt like I was there with you.

    I’m so glad you were able to find some hope, and perhaps even a little peace, in the end.

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  3. You guys seem great together 🙂 And I think I know that feeling in a small way– though I’m not as OCD as I probably ought to be. I had a really hard time sleeping all last week because it was majorly stressing me out that I felt like my bedroom was dirty. My washing machine has been broken so I couldn’t clean my sheets and I had laundry piled about. It’s amazing what a difference it makes when everything is suddenly clean.

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