Aussa wrote about her first sexual solicitation over at her blog, and that reminded me of an incident about ten years ago, when I was young and
plain stupid naive.
I worked at a call center here in Delhi.
People hated me I wasn’t very popular. Some people thought that I had better English and therefore, better prospects and was a threat had issues with me that they talked to other people about.
So anyway, one day, towards the end of my shift, the phone rang. I answered and supplied my opening script. Thank you for calling SBC Yahoo. My name is Amy. How may I help you?
Anyhow. I answered the phone and at first I thought my headset was faulty coz all I heard was heavy breathing and strange noises.
As per protocol, I supplied the opening script again.
Thank you for calling SBC Yahoo. My name is Amy. How may I help you?
No response. Only a garbled sound. Like a moan, but really muffled. By this time I was really excited. If I said the script one more time and nobody spoke, I could hang up. Short call = Lower AHT= Better Performace = Rewards & Recognition.
I’m sure I sounded rather happy when I read my script the third time. The guy on the phone finally decided to speak.
I was sorely disappointed, but faked a smile and said, How may I help you, sir?
You have a lovely voice. Are you Indian or something?
At this point, I took a split second to gloat inwardly at the complement and cursed myself for quitting my radio job for money. Thank you, sir. SBC Yahoo has customer service centers all over the world. Unfortunately I’m not allowed to disclose my location because of security reasons. I assure you that you are in safe hands no matter which center you call. Can I help you with something?
My internet isn’t working and I’m feeling really lonely.
The mother in me woke up. Oh poor guy! I understand how you’re feeling sir. I can imagine what it is like to be lonely and have no internet to pass time. I can surely help you with that, sir. Let me quickly verify your account details and we’ll get started. Okay?
Sure. Do you mind if I jerk off while I talk to you?
Not at all! Feel free to do as you please, as long as you can follow my instructions alongside. I understand that sometimes you need to multi-task. In fact, I appreciate the ability to multi-task in people. It improves efficiency!
(Yes. I actually said that. Even to this day, I think back to this moment and go WTF?!!)
So anyway. I went on giving him instructions, and he kept saying encouraging things like, go on, umm hmm, and say that again, this time verrry slowly. I was gracious enough to repeat myself as and when he asked me to because he sounded really sad. Until I heard a loud moan that sounded nothing like sadness, followed by these words: You were very helpful Amy. Your voice is so sexy! Is there a way I can get in touch with you again when I call?
By this time, the blood had drained from my face. I knew (a whole 8 minutes into the call) something was wrong about this guy. I flung my headset at the monitor and ran away from the workstation, by this time in tears, shaking with fear and disgust.
And then, I heard laughter and applause from the Quality team. Apparently they had been listening to my call all along.
Jerks! All of them. Except one, whom I went on to marry a few years later, who took his time to explain the meaning and usage of the word jerk in excruciating detail.