of lessons learned

Aussa wrote about her first sexual solicitation over at her blog, and that reminded me of an incident about ten years ago, when I was young and plain stupid naive.

I worked at a call center here in Delhi. People hated me I wasn’t very popular. Some people thought that I had better English and therefore, better prospects and was a threat had issues with me that they talked to other people about.

So anyway, one day, towards the end of my shift, the phone rang. I answered and supplied my opening script. Thank you for calling SBC Yahoo. My name is Amy. How may I help you?

Support phone operator in headset, isolated on white
Yes, some of the Amys and Nancys you spoke to were really Indian and were really called Amrapali and Nayantara. You never really know.

Anyhow. I answered the phone and at first I thought my headset was faulty coz all I heard was heavy breathing and strange noises.

As per protocol, I supplied the opening script again.

Thank you for calling SBC Yahoo. My name is Amy. How may I help you?

No response. Only a garbled sound. Like  a moan, but really muffled. By this time I was really excited. If I said the script one more time and nobody spoke, I could hang up. Short call = Lower AHT= Better Performace = Rewards & Recognition.


I’m sure I sounded rather happy when I read my script the third time. The guy on the phone finally decided to speak.


I was sorely disappointed, but faked a smile and said, How may I help you, sir?

You have a lovely voice. Are you Indian or something?

At this point, I took a split second to gloat inwardly at the complement and cursed myself for quitting my radio job for money. Thank you, sir. SBC Yahoo has customer service centers all over the world. Unfortunately I’m not allowed to disclose my location because of security reasons. I assure you that you are in safe hands no matter which center you call. Can I help you with something?

My internet isn’t working and I’m feeling really lonely.

The mother in me woke up. Oh poor guy! I understand how you’re feeling sir. I can imagine what it is like to be lonely and have no internet to pass time. I can surely help you with that, sir. Let me quickly verify your account details and we’ll get started. Okay?

Sure. Do you mind if I jerk off while I talk to you?

Not at all! Feel free to do as you please, as long as you can follow my instructions alongside. I understand that sometimes you need to multi-task. In fact, I appreciate the ability to multi-task in people. It improves efficiency!

(Yes. I actually said that. Even to this day, I think back to this moment and go WTF?!!)

So anyway. I went on giving him instructions, and he kept saying encouraging things like, go on, umm hmm, and say that again, this time verrry slowly. I was gracious enough to repeat myself as and when he asked me to because he sounded really sad. Until I heard a loud moan that sounded nothing like sadness, followed by these words: You were very helpful Amy. Your voice is so sexy! Is there a way I can get in touch with you again when I call?

By this time, the blood had drained from my face. I knew (a whole 8 minutes into the call) something was wrong about this guy. I flung my headset at the monitor and ran away from the workstation, by this time in tears, shaking with fear and disgust.

And then, I heard laughter and applause from the Quality team. Apparently they had been listening to my call all along.

Jerks! All of them. Except one, whom I went on to marry a few years later, who took his time to explain the meaning and usage of the word jerk in excruciating detail.


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Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

16 thoughts on “of lessons learned”

  1. My dear Anawn…you continue to surprise and open up so honestly.
    I could SO see myself in that situation as your inner mother came out (do you think he had Mommy issues?!!?). I hate to see/hear people sad–an entirely different set of instincts takes over, right?
    And when I read the part about your QI team listening in, I just about died.
    Life truly is stranger than fiction 😉


    1. So good to hear from you Michelle! 🙂 Like I always say, they should make a movie about my life. And btw, I can totally see you going all mommy on the perv too. You seem mushy like that! :-*


  2. I hear the pain in this story. I feel sad at hearing this story and the pain and abandonment in how your co-workers treated you. I also hear how strong your spirit is to share this story here.


    1. Thanks Dave! I was upset for a while (read months), but then over the years it has became okay to joke about it. It was also this incident that pushed me into becoming a trainer. I was notorious for using “bad words” in class, but many people were thankful!


  3. This story was incredible! Incredibly embarrassing and hilarious. I must say I really enjoyed this. At the same time I feel sorry for what happened. I hope the memory of this does what your post did for me, and that’s put a fat grin on my face C:

    I look forward to reading more! And to the younger you, thank you for not understanding English slang!


  4. Hahaha! Oh my gosh, I KNEW this post was not safe for work 😉 Okay, so– you didn’t know what he meant by jerking off? That is too funny… oh, we were so naive. Once.


    1. I had no bloody clue! I thought it was jargon for watching TV or feeding the pets or cooking dinner or some such! Anyway, when I moved to the Quality team, I finally got over it coz there I heard a live call where this (male) rep was asking the (female) customer: “Ma’am, may I hold you for 2-3 minutes while I check my tools?” The customer laughed het guts out (audibly) and said, “Hey, I don’t mind but you’re going to have to ask my husband!”
      The guy then went on for permission to speak to the husband because “I need to check my tools and it is really important to hold you.”

      It’s quite funny when it isn’t happening to you 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh no, I’m so sorry this happened. When I had a French student come to stay with my family some of the guys at school taught her that when a class was finished we show our gratitude to the teacher by saying “F*#$ you” explaining that “Thank you” was more a British term and “F you” was Australian English (those JERKS!). So off she goes to class and at the end the teacher asked if she enjoyed learning the Australian History class, she replied, “Oh yes, F*#$ you!”
    Poor love, that night my mother and I taught her all the swear words we could so that wouldn’t happen again!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s really mean of the other guys! People are unbelievable sometimes. I think that may be why some foreigners come to India and ask to be taught all the swear words first. 😀


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