I know I know, it’s been a while and you’ve forgotten all about the naked attacker. Here’s something to jog your memory:
Then suddenly, someone snuck up on me and grabbed me from behind. I went from ooooh, so he wants to make out on the road, that’s forward but I like the idea to he’s still talking, why can’t I hear his voice behind me to so it can’t be him to holy fuck who is this behind me to fuck fuck a naked man’s penis is pressed into my thong-clad ass and I can feel his balls and his unfriendly arm is around my neck what does he want from me within a split second.
Remember now? Awesome. Moving along, then!
So I was late from work another time, about a month after I was attacked. Imagine my horror when I had to park in the EXACT SAME SPOT as that fateful night.
I parked my car, and slowly prepared to step out of the car, clutching the pink pepper spray bottle in one hand and wielding the car key like a weapon in the other. Exactly like this:
I looked around before I stepped out. Nothing. I walked along the park quietly and without incident. For two seconds.
There he was, in the darkness of the night and at the periphery of the park, stark naked and holding his erect penis in his hand. Grinning.
I ran the rest of the way back and NEVER parked there again.
Also, I think you should know that I did a double take and got a really good look, and liked what I saw. He had washboard abs and no chest hair.
Should I have mentioned that in the police report I filed in the morning?