of futility of expression

We fought again. There was a screaming match, a whole lot of name calling, and crying. During that fight, I realized that I’m no good with words, especially when I’m in turmoil. I often say the wrong thing. Or the right thing the wrong way. I’m running in circles around what I want to say, and the harder I try the worse and more tangled my life becomes.

Then I resort to silence. That is my hiding place, my favorite medium of expression. He always understands that. Because I’m talking to him with my whole body. And then, he stops fighting. Instead, he untangles my life thread by thread and hands it back to me.

Silence works for me in a way that a thousand words can’t.

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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

15 thoughts on “of futility of expression”

  1. “During that fight, I realized that I’m no good with words, especially when I’m in turmoil.”

    Isn’t this the ultimate oxymoron of being a writer? I’m completely the same way and why my best arguments have been won through letters. My husband gets nervous when I quit talking…he KNOWS.

    Your words around how he untangles you thread by thread is absolutely beautiful–seems like you found the right man to walk down the aisle with 🙂

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    1. I was married to a man for seven years and we never fought. Made me feel like I was in a movie. It didn’t work out. Now I’m about to marry a man I fight with regularly, and I feel like I’m human again. Sometimes “normal” is perfect 🙂

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      1. Normal is good.. fighting can be healthy in small doses to “clear the air”, but if you are made to feel like that daily or on a regular basis, it is so painful.
        I pray things go well.

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  2. silence is smart (let the other person assume whatever he wants to) ???
    And I find silence funny (because it tells me that the other person do not have anything to say)???
    Being in silence you are putting responsibility on him, what if he also becomes silent then? Aren’t you expecting that he will understand your silence? What about your role to understand him? well…. confusing ….. anyway relationships are confusing only ….

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    1. Silence works for us because we know each other really well. Because when I’m silent, my body language says what I want to say, without having to use harsh words.
      No more confusion!

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  3. I completely sympathize with retreating into silence during moments of turmoil. I do it because I’m afraid of saying utterly hurtful things that I would never normally say, and regret the moment I’ve calmed down.

    Liked by 1 person

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