of mourning

I sat in the dark tonight, staring at the keyboard for ten minutes before the first sentence slipped out.

The baby’s gone. Smaller than the palm of my hand. Gone. I can’t even bring myself to say dead. It is painful, gut-wrenchingly painful to say the baby is dead. I don’t know whether to remember or to forget how the bump on her stomach felt. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m mourning a niece or a nephew or the endless possibilities of what that baby could’ve been.

I thought I was stronger than this, but grief is rotting my insides like the dead fetus inside my sister’s uterus. I don’t know how she’s feeling because I can’t get over how I’m feeling.

This moment, right now, is the worst moment of my life so far.


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Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

18 thoughts on “of mourning”

  1. Miss, the trauma of a life unborn is one I am familiar with. My ex and I had a still born baby at 7 months into the pregnancy. I still remember the feelings when the ultrasound doctor informed of us the baby was dead. This was our first attempt at adding to our family. I wasn’t prepared for that to happen…

    I can tell you from this experience that this to shall pass. The healing of time is on your side. However, I am a firm believer of expressing our grief in the moment.

    A friend of mine is always saying that grief needs to be witnessed. So I believe that coming together around grief can be very healing. I also remember to let my grief be what it is and not apply judgement to it or the lack of it.

    With Love at this time of loss.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart goes out to you and your sister Ana. The grief is palpable. I hope this does not deter her from trying agian.


  3. I’m so sorry for your loss and am sending you virtual hugs. The way you’re feeling now has nothing to do with how strong or not strong you are. Your grief speaks to your open and loving heart. Thinking of you…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Been sending them to you all weekend. I read your post on religion, too and got pulled away before I could comment. Doesn’t it suck that sad times make for awesome writing? I’m sure you’d rather not have the sad times. xo

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry. I know the shock, the grief of losing a baby before it’s been born. I never knew before how terrible it would feel. Your grief will help your sister know she’s not alone. Love to you both.

    Liked by 1 person

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