of my first lesbian experience

My friend Mandi recently wrote about her waxing-with-a-happy-ending experience and that reminded me of my own encounter with a lesbian (well, TWO lesbians) when I didn’t even know girls did sex to each other. I also didn’t really know what doing sex meant, thanks to Bollywood and a bunch of shaking flower bushes obscuring the fucking scene. Literally. Thirty year olds who grew up in India know exactly what I’m talking about.

This is a story from September 2002, precisely 12 years back in time. I was working at a call center called Daksh (now IBM Daksh I think) in Gurgaon. Well not technically working, coz I had joined only a month ago, and had just finished being trained on how to say kh/ph/th just like the firangs did. On the first day of training I fell in love with my trainer. Later I found out he was sleeping with half the people in my batch. And notice that I said “people”. I found out years later and that broke my heart.

Anyway. In September, our training batch finished training and was invited to a grand ‘graduation party’. I remember feeling giddy as I walked in. It was lit up all over and I could hear loud music and laughter. I caught a glimpse of a few girls giggling holding drinks wearing dresses and makeup, generally oozing confidence and prettiness. I had never seen something like this before. So. Much. Skin.

I was wearing my usual work clothes – jeans and a tee. I was really skinny so my Ugly Betty clothes sorta hung on me like they would from a hanger and it didn’t matter what I wore, because nobody made clothes my size. Aside: I’m not shitting you. I had to buy jeans with a 24 inch waist and the get them altered three inches so they would fit my 21-inch waist.

Anyway. I was wide eyed with disbelief at everything I saw but nobody had seen me enter. Or walk around with a plateful of paneer tikka in my hands for about twenty minutes. Invisibility So there I was feeling like a misfit, like I always do. And then I spotted some people I knew. I went cartwheeling across the garden and hugged the first person I ran into. And then realized I had just hugged a boy I had never spoken to before. Shame shame puppy shame rang in my ears all week. He looked perplexed. Hi, I’m SN, he said. Have we met before? large I developed a bit of a crush on him. Instantly. How was I to know that he would be someone I would become good friends with, come to trust deeply, and eventually be sexually assaulted by? After a bit of humming and hawing over how girls were drinking and being slutty, I went to the restroom. As I entered, I thought I saw two girls kissing. I flipped out. My brain couldn’t process the images my eyes sent its way. So I just assumed I had imagined it and it was nothing. An optical illusion at best. We made a little bit of conversation mostly centered around the metal skull that was hanging from my neck. (You didn’t know about my obsession with skulls, did you? What can I say, I am mysterious!) They seemed really nice except that one of them was drunk and suddenly perched up on the slab (where the sink is). I told her she was drunk and should come down from over there. What she did next was something I had never EVER seen before (or after) in my life. Let’s just say she said: 652600 When she finished, her dress was riding all the way up to boobietown. I told her she probably needed to straighten it, and she asked me to do it for her. Her friend giggled and told her to leave me alone, and I swear I saw her do way more than just straighten that drunk girl’s dress. Then she jumped off the slab and twisted her ankle and then passed out. Whether it was because of pain or drunkenness, I don’t know. What this meant was that the other non-drunk girl and I were going to have to support the hoebag out of there. And she was no featherweight, if you know what I mean. We started to descend those dimly lit stairs; I was on the left, the other girl on the right and the drunk girl in the middle. It felt pretty much like we were stowing away a dead body. And then it happened. The drunk girl who couldn’t lift her head suddenly found it in her to lift her arm and cup my non-existent boob, and then give it a gentle squeeze. To this day I think it’s because of her that I have small boobs. That bitch scared them and now they won’t come out.

shocked_joey_friends

I dropped everything (everything being the drunk girl) and ran back towards the party, where I ran into SN again. No, literally, I bumped into him coz I was running. Shinhye-fml After a little bit of customary awkwardness, I told him what had happened to me. And he told me what lesbian meant. Thus began my foray into true adulthood. What about you? Have you ever been hit on by a member of the same sex? Do you find it flattering when a same-sex-someone hits on you, or does it bother you?


Author’s note: Those of you who read this early in the morning may have spotted a typo or two. I had literally ten minutes to type this out before I left for work and didn’t do a good job of editing this post. Sorry!

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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

37 thoughts on “of my first lesbian experience”

  1. Ha ha Ha…U are a character I tell you with an amazing gift of writing.
    I once got a boobie rub/(squeeze/and a little bit more) at a parlor by a chinki girl who was doing my facial.AT first I thought her hand accidentally slipped but oh boy! was I wrong? I was horrified but it gave my husband a lot more excitement of imagining the girl on girl action 😉
    Are you still with IBM. I work in IBM by the way.

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    1. It was no accident, girl! That’s what I’ve been telling Mandi. There are no accidents in this world. Only people trying to make things look like accidents.

      And you work in IBM as in actual I-B-M, or Daksh masquerading as IBM and taking all of their money and giving none to their slaves? I quit Daksh in 2004 because they didn’t realize how awesome I was.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah hands slip accidentally once but, not to squeeze the juice out it it!
        Yes. The actual IBM and the story remains the same. Daksh or, India Pvt Ltd. They still don’t pay but hey, they let me pretend to “work” from home.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t feel uncomfortable around gay men even though I am totally hetero. My mother is a lesbian, so I sort of got used to it (that likely needs an explanation for someone not familiar with the gay community – homosexuals and their partners often make friends with other couples who can be either male or female. It seems that the threat level of a male gay person is zero for a lesbian). I can deflect a pass without a problem and can remain friends with the man. It seems that I can understand and deal with homosexuals of all stripes – however, I have to say that I am uncomfortable around bi-sexuals. I guess it’s because I don’t know the rules- should I point out beautiful women who are passing or should I be prepared for a pass? The really funny thing that happened as I got more mature was that I noticed that women who I found attractive, my mother also found attractive. This was just a funny observation that I never mentioned to her or acted on.

    Experience being aorund homosexuals will quickly let you see and understand the rules Ana, and then it is no different handling a friendship than it is with a straight friend.

    Great PostAna – a subject that is seldom spoken of here in North America.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We don’t talk about these things in India either. It’s one of those things parents want to brush under the carpet, and youngsters think they’re really cool calling Britney Spears a faggot. But if you were to talk to these kids about LGBT, they’d turn red in the face and scamper away.

      A few years ago I had two homosexual friends, a couple, and we used to get along pretty well. It was a refreshing change from men who were constantly trying to act cute. I am yet to meet a bisexual person, but I’ll bet I’d be uncomfortable around them too. I just wouldn’t know if they were hitting on me or trying to make me jealous.

      And it’s really nice how you’re so open about your mom. What was it like growing up? Were you always so accepting, or did it come as a shock when you found out? It couldn’t have been easy!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oddly enough, my Mom was married to my Dad early on until I was about 16. They got divorced and she was doing her PhD when she decided that she preferred female partners. She did some dating and then settled on a wonderful caring woman she met at university. They were a couple for about 20 years until they split up a few years ago. They are still friends. There is quite a strong LGBT presence (relatively speaking – still really only a few percent) in a lot of universities here. My Mom lives in Vancouver, which is on the west coast of Canada and there is a strong community there as well. I’ve socialized many times with her and her partner and their friends. They are all kind people and only want to be left to pursue their relationships. They are not promiscuous or any of the negative stereotypes that permeate the homophobic dialogue.

        I gotta tell you Ana, from your description of the “party” that you went to, the language and lack of respect was appalling. I’ve been to some pretty rowdy drunken parties in my earlier life (I owned and operated my own tractor trailer for years) and I don’t think I have ever observed such disrespectful behaviour. Swearing and off-color comments for sure, but in-your-face name calling and disrespect? Never. Anyone who did that would be shut down and ejected and not invited back. Or they’d get their face punched in. Either way, it would not continue. The lack of basic humanity you described in your acquintances astounds me.

        Anyway, I have to say that your English is pretty amazing Ana. It is written like it is your first language. I mention that because you described language training at one of your jobs. I cannot imagine you needing training in English with the skill that you exhibit.

        Again, great post and thanks for the foillow-up.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. English is taught in schools here in India – it’s pretty much our official language. But the focus is on written English and not spoken English, which is why we need the training on pronunciation and rate of speech (we speak really fast).

          And you know what? I don’t get why people think that if someone is gay they must automatically be promiscuous. I don’t think it’s true at all! You’re either committed or not!!

          Regarding the off-color comments bit, yeah, youngsters these days seem to have no sense of respect for anyone. And it’s not even like they mean any harm – they’re only trying to sound cool by putting other people down which is so sad!

          I wish people could learn to be more accepting!

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          1. I’m honestly amazed that your written English is so idiomatic Ana. I can usually distinguish the country of origin of most English writers but you write the same as a native Canadian – and you are on the other side of the world. I find many of your fellow countypersons write in a manner that makes their country of origin plain. Anyway, it certainly makes it clear that your education system is teaching material simlilar to ours. Very nice (for purposes of communication and cooperation). I wasn’t aware that English was that predominant in India.

            I find your openness and willingness to consider alternative life styles to be very refreshing Ana. Here there is a wide range of opinion – most basically want a “don’t ask and don’t tell” atmosphere. Some people celebrate differences, some fear them and hence develop a hatred – most are somewhere in between. I’d say the ratio is about 10%-10%-80%. There is a “social” unspoken agreement that these topics not be discussed in public. In other words we have whitewashed the topic so it stays out of the common discussion – which really doesn’t help things much at all. If people only knew how normal homosexuals are – not at all like the stereotyped promiscuous, sexually deviant beings they are painted to be by homophobes.

            But changing that public perception is not simple even though it has to be pursued with vigilance. In fact, making humans more accepting and open in general is an even larger task. The hatred does not stop at homosexuals – it includes other cultures, classes, wealth levels, physical abnormalities, mental handicaps, age, skin color, physical size, religions, and on and on.

            My personal opinion is that the very best way to appoach such a huge undertaking is to look in the mirror and change the person we see standing there. And, in fact perhaps the world is built the way it is to faciliate that approach. perhaps it is the only way to grow.

            Meanwhile, Great post Ana. Thanks so much for the thought provoking material.

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          2. 🙂
            Things are pretty much the same here, Paul. We’re so busy hating each other for sexuality, caste and religion and color (yes, light brown is better than dark brown) we forget that they are human after all. We can’t understand why others might be different from us and will do anything we can to make them acquiesce. It’s an unkind world. But you’re right, there is nobody else to change other than the person in the mirror – and it will happen one person at a time.

            At the cost of making this sound like a mutual admiration club, I have to tell you that I’m thankful for your much-needed perspective too! You make this blog worth keeping alive. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  3. In the U.S. depending upon where one is living, homosexuality ain’t no big deal. Unfortunately, I am often very attracted to gay men – they do tend to keep themselves together much better on average than American straight men, and it is often much easier to talk to them. One of my besties, is a young gay man I met in grad school. Thankfully, I have never been attracted to him, but he is one of my favorite people of all time. I think of him like almost family, like a brother. On the whole, I have had more friendships with gay men than lesbians … but over the years I have had close friendships with lesbians as well. I think being friendly with a gay woman is the same as being friendly with a guy you aren’t attracted to. As far as Bi-s, I wouldn’t have a problem going out with a man who was bi, in fact it seems like some adventurous opportunities could result. I am not a particularly jealous woman. Life sorta stamped that problematic emotion down into a manageable size.

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    1. Hey Liza! You’re bang-on about gay men. Some of my closest friends are gay, and I feel like I connect with them more than I do with my girlfriends. I don’t really know too many lesbians, but that could be because my country is not very kind to women, and they aren’t really seen as sexual beings at all. So there’s the chance that they’re lesbian and they don’t even realize it. Or maybe they don’t feel comfortable coming out of the closet!
      And really sorry for such a delayed response. I don’t know how I missed your comment. 😦

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  4. anawnimiss or anaughtymiss! lol Great story. I’ve been hit on by other men, especially when I was touring in my old band. I wasn’t flattered by it, but I did become friends with a few and it was not different than being friends with a straight guy.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Anawnimiss 🙂
    I landed on your blog somehow and loved it.
    As a 19 year old,I often wonder if people think about the skin show they do at parties. Although I haven’t been to any party till date ( except the birthday parties at home etc),my FB feed is filled with friends who are always partying,say,every alternate weekend. That’s not my point,though. When I read about how surprised you were at that much skin show,it kind of made me feel normal.
    Thank you Anawnimiss 🙂 You are a very strong and inspirational lady 🙂

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    1. Hey Bhakti, sorry I missed responding to this comment. It’s absolutely normal to feel like you’re the alien when you walk into a room full of party people, especially when you aren’t used to the lifestyle. But I guess with age and exposure (pun definitely intended) you gain some perspective and become more and more comfortable with skin. But all in due time!

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  6. I really like your writing style.

    Anyway, I am a girl & I am bisexual.
    I never,ever ever speak of this to anyone because it makes for really uncomfortable situations.
    A lot of people think I am lesbian because I dont show much interest in boys and I dont dress girly.

    The look that boys get in their eyes when they ask me if I’m lesbian disgusts me. Even more repellant are the girls who hear the boys asking me that and assume that I’m flirting with them.

    This is India, so I not really comfortable confiding in boys about my sexual orientation.
    Most girls go “euuu!!” when they talk about lesbians.

    So that leaves….not doing anything about it.

    You would expect most bisexuals to be highly promiscuous. While I admit that I have a rather high libido, all the judgement and eye rolling and assumptions really put me off.
    The whole thing has sort of made me avoid any kind of relationship with anyone male or female all together. Its horribly lonely at times.
    In fact,this is the first place where I’m writing about this.

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    1. I understand your loneliness, Anita.

      Our country is full of people with unfounded bias and lack of tolerance. I can imagine how painful it can be to be open about who you really are.

      If you ever feel the need to share, to talk openly about your experiences, please feel free to do so here.

      *hugs*

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  7. Hey Ana, it’s not just “your country”. Statistically speaking, and I’ve visited and lived in a lot of countries, humans have about the same distribution of bigotry vs openness. But that’s ok, lots of people of many countries think their country folks are stupid. It’s the same. See the good people in your country too!

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    1. Sorry, your comment landed up in the spam folder for some reason. Well, of course there are good people in the country. I’ve met hundreds of them, but mostly they were strangers. I find it hard to like people around me – as they say, familiarity breeds contempt! But in principle, I agree.

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