of epiphanies

So where were we? Talking about the things people do when they’re drunk, which was really fun, but I have to tell you what happened on day two.

After a night of trying to escape a drunk and horny manager and subsequent hiding in my room, I took a long, leisurely bath. My roomie sat outside, reading a book and never saying a word. After a while I heard her yell goodbye and step out, but I couldn’t care less. I felt comforted by the warmth of the water around me. Eventually, I dozed off in the tub for a while and only woke up when I realized the water was getting cold.

I had barely stepped out of the shower and draped my snug yellow bathrobe around my body when I heard my neighbors scream like they were being murdered. I paused for a moment, wondering if I should change into something decent first, but then I heard more screams, so I ran out towards their room.

The door was slightly ajar, and the girls were still screaming. Adrenaline pumping and my heart thumping like nobody’s business, I pushed the door open and it hit the wall with a loud thud. I couldn’t believe what I saw. The not-really-girls, aged 27, 29, and 37 were doing this. Together.

clarissa-falling-on-bed

The moment they saw me, the shrieked and jumped and clapped with excitement and invited me to join them. I took one look at the hot mess their room was, and another look at what I was wearing, and politely declined the offer, though I did laugh a little at the ridiculousness of my fears.

Once they had calmed the fuck down, they told me that they had discovered that the washroom door was kinda transparent, despite the smoked glass. When I didn’t believe them, one of them went inside, shut the door, and switched the light on. They were right. You could see EVERYTHING.

Apparently, 37 had been the first to shower, and as soon as she went inside and took off her clothes, the other two started hooting. So 37 did a slow-mo dance for them. I went from pics or it didn’t happen to fuck me in both eyes in 30 seconds flat.

Then they decided they wanted to see me behind the smoked glass, which was obviously not going to happen.

Not in this life. I backed up and stepped behind the walls I have built around me especially for times like these.

What are you shy about? You have a great body!

Yeah, I know, but I’m not stripping for you. To be honest I was a little flattered, and I’m sure they could see it. I’m bad at feigning modesty, I told you that.

You need to loosen up a little. You need to get drunk. Which was true, so I picked up the bottle of vodka we had bought for the evening, and took a big gulp. It was 9:30 am, and I was drinking already. Loosening up.

They cheered and clapped and put on crappy Punjabi music, and started dancing. I followed suit, albeit a little awkwardly.

An hour later, I was sitting on top of 27, who is a non-drinker, holding her down, while the other two poured neat alcohol into her mouth. We had dragged her down from the bed, with her blanket and she was now lying on the floor, enjoying being the center of attention, and didn’t seem to mind that my bathrobe was falling apart and she could nearly see my breasts. Loosening up. The walls were slowly crumbling, and I didn’t mind.

The rest of the day passed quickly. In the evening, there was another dance party planned, so I changed out of my pajamas and into a black dress and my red & black converse shoes (which didn’t go with the dress but it’s not like the people in my office are very fashionable).

Later the girls told  me that when I was changing, one of the curtains was slightly open, and they saw me naked.  So much for not wanting to strip for them. The walls had broken down completely.

I felt exposed, but kinda saw it as a blessing in disguise. There are two over-familiar women in my office who have pinched me in the stomach at least twice (each), which I suspect has something to do with wanting to check if I wear shapewear to tuck my stomach in. I don’t. And now I have three people who can vouch for that. (Yeah, pinching is juvenile and I’m not even on such friendly terms with anyone,  and they could just have asked me, but let’s not dwell on that right now.

Anyway. I went to the party feeling pretty and high, and danced all night. Some people I know gathered around me, trying to dance with me but I kept dancing like they weren’t there. Ha! I had to be super drunk to remember how much I love dancing alone. The men stared at me, including the creepy senior management guy, but they dared not approach me, and I didn’t care.  I was building that wall back up, brick by brick.

Which brought me to the realization that I’m done trying to be part of the crowd, coz I’m really not. I like my walls. They keep me safe, and I hate being exposed. I don’t really want to fit in, and that’s why I never really try with my whole heart. I am a recluse, and I am finally okay with that. I am different, I am better, and I am immodest, and it doesn’t fucking matter whether people like me as long as I am happy.

What about you? Do you like to be part of the excitement or happy watching from afar? Have you ever tried hard to fit in? What has your biggest moment of epiphany been so far?

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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

26 thoughts on “of epiphanies”

  1. sheesh, this sounds like a public service announcement on LSD. i feel your pain to a certain extent.

    back when i used to work corporate, we had these superficial costume parties in which everyone was like the dumbest version of clark kent ever. wear a stupid costume and they think they can get away with anything. there was this one guy who came dressed as the gladiator, drunk out of his decency, and threatened to do stuff with the “sword”. i think a small part of me died that day as did a side of me that told me never to regurgitate my own food when it is still in my mouth.

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    1. Damn! Next year I’m telling HR we need to have more costume parties that don’t involve obese old men dressing up in red and white Santa suits. I’d love to see a gladiator whose wit is as sharp as he claims his sword is!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. the only thing sharper than his wit was the placid way with which he inappropriately mixed red spinach with tomato sauce. he is pure evil. there was this other person who came dressed as a quintessential South Indian movie hero and made sexist remarks on pretty much all the women and seemed a tad oedipal about his preferences too. He gets 3 points for commitment to the role.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, what a post! “I like my walls.They keep me safe, and I hate being exposed. I don’t really want to fit in, and that’s why I never really try with my whole heart. I am a recluse, and I am finally okay with that.” That sounds so much like me. I’m probably worse than you. Exchanging the usual pleasantries (Hi, Hello, GM) is also a huge effort for me which I usually avoid 🙂 There is nothing wrong in being a recluse; the best thing about it is peace of mind and absence of shallow friends/relationships. You get sufficient time for things that really matter to you. It’s great. People WILL find it weird but guess what, they get used to it after a while!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right. Being on my own does save me from unnecessary “friendships”, and I like that. I guess I’m too self-conscious and needed this experience just to come to the realization that it really doesn’t matter that people think I’m stuck up or weird. It is who I am, and if I’m uncomfortable with that, I can’t blame others for not being comfortable!

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  3. Well, I am an attention-seeker/center-of-attention most of the times. I don’t try to do it but it happens automatically. Just like you explained in your post. But, I enjoy it. I don’t like the idea of being left alone on my own. Having said that, I also don’t let people worry me about stuff. They can have any sort of opinions about me, and I couldn’t care less. It used to worry me before, but I’m long over it. And that brings me to my happy-place of being. 🙂

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    1. Oh finally an opportunity to get inside the head of one of the ‘other’ kind of people. 🙂
      How do you feel about being around “stuck up” people, people who need to “loosen up”? Do you try to bring them out of their shells, or do you just let it be?

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      1. Main kat leti hoon. 🙂 I’m normally the talker in a conversation, so when I meet anyone I’m not so much enjoying with, I go silent, or to mono-syllabic answers. And hence, the conversation ends.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Ha ha.. you are a smart woman!

          Now I’m even more curious. What would you do when people you barely know are doing crazy shit like jumping up and down on the bed and invite you to do the same?
          *flashes evil grin*

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          1. I’ll laugh with them, sit on the couch n watch the show. If invited to join in, I wud make sm sarcastic joke on myself, like ‘u dont want me breaking the bed, do u?’ and let the monkey-show resume! 😀

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          2. But I guess u enjoyed being a part of it all, nonetheless! So it’s okay. In the end, that is wat matters, whether The Highness is pleased or not! :p

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          3. I participated coz I was trying to fit in, but I had to get really drunk first, and even then I was told I was kinda being a spoilsport.

            It’s just not me, you know. All this “fun” is reserved for really close friends, namely @gigglespeaks and Mister.

            And even then, none of us has attempted to jump on beds and make naked videos.

            Hell, I have never even changed my clothes in front of a human being other than Mister. Not my sister, not even my ex-husband!

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          4. Hmmm. I guess that is sth u shudn’t have done. Coz dat leaves u wid a bad taste later. As for fitting in, I think no one fits better than those who don’t try. If you wish to spend time wid sm1, go ahead and do it but not wid d intention of getting pally. Sheer waste of time coz neither u nor d other, enjoyed it.

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          5. The wiser, the better! 🙂 Chillax! Ppl got sm spicy insight of d ‘maal’. Shud get dem dere 2 seconds of fame, which they so envy u for. Let them have it, darlin!

            Liked by 1 person

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