I should probably not be telling you this, coz let’s face it, I’m weird and you’re easily tickled. But what the heck. I’m anonymous and you aren’t really laughing at me, only at my weirdness, which is somewhat okay.
I can’t wait for menopause to finally happen. I mean, I am so tired of bleeding every month, carrying extra pads (no tampons for me, thank you very much), sleeping with hot water bottles, and howling like a werewolf in heat on days 2 and 3 (and not getting any).
Seriously. I’m done trying to figure out sleeping positions at night, waking up every four hours to check if I’ve stained anything, and then going back to sleep. I done sitting up in bed in the morning for a full two minutes, waiting for that trickle of warmth and wetness between my legs to subside so I can finally stand up and go about my business. What a pity that when I finally get to it, going about my business isn’t as easy as I’d hoped, if you know what I mean.
And the sex. I want to be able to have spontaneous, I want you right here right now sex without pausing to reach for a condom or making sure I didn’t miss a pill. That split second always ruins it for me.
How am I to focus on the good things in my life when I’m always counting days; when my ‘month’ is only 28 days long? I want my fucking calendar back.
And I know what you’re thinking. Just so you know, I’m not PMSing. It is hurtful when people joke about that, because PMS is actually a very (very) painful time emotionally and physically. If I am PMSing, you asking if I’m PMSing only makes it worse.
Are you tired of menstruation too? Know someone who is? How do you feel about PMS jokes? Do you make PMS jokes? Is menopause as liberating as it sounds?