of fractures

I meet the ex-husband.

Initially, it is rather awkward, particularly the sideways hug, which both he and I usually reserve for people we don’t really want to hug. It is painfully obvious none of us really wanted to be there. Okay, it is probably easier for me, seeing as I have moved on and gotten married, but being on the receiving end of that sideways hug is still pretty painful.

When we finally settle down and swoosh past the pleasantries, awkwardness leaves, but silence takes over, which is oddly unsettling. He seems comfortable, but I am clearly fidgety. We smile and nod and wink through the first thirty minutes, which is how long it takes us to finish our first few drinks.

And then he opens up to me. He talks endlessly for an hour; more than he has ever talked in the nine years I’ve known him.

In the background, I can hear songs that only rub his philandering in my face. My girlfriend knows, and she’s okay with it. He laughs aloud. We were on a break. He says it just like he means it; he says it just like Ross.

I cannot believe what I’m hearing. We’ve broken up too many times anyway. He adds with a wink, and I kinda prefer the grey area.

I walk out of there with my head whirling, my eyes wide, and my heart shrinking. I made him this way.

A month later, I still believe that’s true.

I did this. I broke him. He’s like a fractured bone that can’t be set right, and I am to blame.

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Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

34 thoughts on “of fractures”

  1. I disagree. We are all ultimately responsible for who we are and what we become. It’s my impression that you have more compassion than he does, and therefore you feel it more.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Sometimes shit that happen in life can’t easily heal. Just give it sometime. I am pretty sure his time will come when he realizes and moves on. Might take a tad longer but I am hopeful that he will.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. True miss 🙂 But you or anyone tell him this now, he wouldn’t realize. Only time can make him realize.

        Happy to say that, been there and done that. 😛


  3. You know to meet or confront your ex relationship is a great deal for me! So Hats off!
    As for him.. Maybe he’s got what he deserved. Its his karma.
    No one shapes or writes anyone’s future. It’s the man himself! So have a good sleep 🙂


    1. He is my family – one can’t ever just be friends with someone they’ve been married to. It’s either family or nothing. He still means a lot to me, and I think I might be his only confidante, so staying in touch was an obvious choice.

      And he didn’t deserve this at all. I left him in the lurch – he had no say in the divorce, which makes me feel worse about this now. 😦


  4. When he finds somebody he really wants like you want Mister, he will heal. For some, moving on is easy. For some, its difficult. But I am yet to find someone for whom it was impossible.

    And don’t go about blaming yourself. Everybody is responsible for their own lives. It was not like he was ideal in all ways and you were the one who broke up the marriage. Like it takes two to marry, it takes two to end it. Simple.

    Hugs. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You misunderstand. I said ” It was not like he was ideal in all ways and you were the one who broke up the marriage. Like it takes two to marry, it takes two to end it.”. I don’t mean to say, it takes two people willingly leaving a marriage. I mean two people being responsible for ending the marriage. Not legally, but emotionally.

        From what I have read in a previous post, you put too much locked up inside you thinking that is how it will be ok. That resentment which built up over time and his lack of understanding for his spouse led to the end of marriage. Regardless of who *broke* it.

        When you are signing up for a partnership of a lifetime, aren’t you responsible to ensure that your partner is comfortable and feels loved / important / respected? If with you buckling everything in your heart, he felt that it was working beautifully, I am sorry but that is very apathetic behavior.

        Now lift yourself up and smile! 🙂

        And if you want to do something for him, you can discuss this with him. And tell him that this behavior is not going to take him anywhere. If you want to bring a change in what he is making himself go through, he has to understand where he went wrong in the first place. Or may be he just needs some time. You are the best judge. But for that, you need to believe that it was not your fault. Because it wasn’t.


  5. PFFFT! he is responsible for his own issues, not you Ana. We all tend to remember the good times emotionally and forget the bad. i have made the mistake of going back with a girlfriend after we broke up and it wasn’t long before i was right back at the point where i broke up with them in the first place. if he cheated on you once Ana, that’s who he is and you will not change him. Women go into relationships thinking they will change the man and they never do. What ever the reason you broke up with him the first time, that reason is still valid and it is a part of who he is – you did not make him that way and cannot change him. he may be sad, but that is because his world is not giving him what he wants, not because you made him that way. don’t take away the one thing he has left – his responsibility for his own actions and his own life.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Paul he never cheated – he’s not the type. He was always the one with higher moral standards.
      But you’re right – he is responsible for taking control of his own life. I’m not taking that away. I just wish there was something I could do to help.


  6. No. You are not responsible alone. It takes two to build and nourish a marriage. And if you two broke up, you alone are not responsible.


    1. Ummm… Saya, I did break up the marriage. I was the one who walked out.
      But the dice was loaded from the start – we were completely different people. It would never have worked.
      Our marriage was more like friends living together – and I didn’t want to just hang out day after day after day. He liked that life. He said he could change, but I didn’t think it was fair to ask him to change. So I quit.


      1. I know u did..have read some of your posts earlier..but that doesn’t make you responsible for how he is now…that is what I feel..
        Its hard to change even if he said he could do that…and you showed the courage to quit before things got bitter…its not easy..and it was not fair to you too, to go on when you were not happy..


  7. I can’t say anything any more true or helpful than everyone has already said. I think you know what they say is true, but sometimes we take on that load for the most inexplicable reasons.
    You are so powerful, but that’s not the direction of it. We’re all delighting in a great deal of the real stuff, right now. ❤ your stuff Ms. Anawni. ❤ you.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Coming from one who has been devorced. You can not keep that within you. You need to move forward. He will grow from this too. Learn from your mistakes and learn to help others from your experience. That is how you heal. I felt for you. I have been there.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The best part about being late to reading your words is the benefit of reading the wise things your friends have said before me.
    The fact that you care means that you are a loving, compassionate woman who wants the best for him. You didn’t break him – humans have a way of doing that all to ourselves.
    Sending you loving vibes and hugs.
    Is Mister back yet? I’m a bad friend for having lost track of the months…


  10. I know the sadness of leaving a husband. We were still very much in love with each other, but there were serious problems that could not be remedied, so I opted out. I definitely broke his heart. On my end, I knew that I gave it my best shot, and he did as well, but that didn’t make it any less painful for either of us. Even though, I was the one that initiated the break, he was the one to get remarried right away. I wasn’t anxious to relive the drama of being in a bad relationship, and have since learned to love being single. But someday, I hope to find a partner, where mutual adoration is a given – like you have found. Congratulations to you for finding this! Successful relationships for me are tools that support me in my evolution into the best versions of myself as well as my partner’s best self. Unfortunately, my marriage inspired the worst in both of us : (


  11. Oh for God’s sakes, you didn’t “break” anyone. How do you know he’s not perfectly happy living the life he wants to? You sound extremely self-absorbed in this post–which is not how you come across in the other ones.


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