of masks

Someone asked me how I was doing today, and I fought the urge to say miserable, confused, and on the verge of giving up. So I went with tanned. The girl was taken aback (she literally took a step back) and I had to explain how I was on vacation for the last ten days and was out in the sun too long. Then we made a little small talk, and went out ways.

Sure, I could just have said I’m fine, but that would be a barefaced lie.

A fellow anonymous blogger revealed her true identity a few days ago, and that has me feeling ecstatic and jealous at the same time. I’m constantly stalking her Facebook profile, scrolling up and down, up and down, almost as though doing that will answer the question I’ve been asking the Universe for a long time. Sure I feel like I’m Batman with the secret identity and all, but can I please slip off that mask now? It’s heavy and let’s face it, being Batman kinda sucks.

In response, the Universe lets out a lethargic yawn and looks the other way. You know the answer to that question.

But I don’t! I only have more questions.

Whose identity am I really protecting? Whose burden is it anyway? Why am I lugging all the weight around? 

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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

38 thoughts on “of masks”

  1. Only you really know the answers to those questions, but we know that we care about you -very much, and you have won us over based on who you are from your inner-most. When do we ever get that normally? Know that you are greatly admired and supported no matter which road you feel most at ease traveling. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Feels like watching wrestling long time ago 😛 This is like Kane removing his mask and the older kids like us watching with the younger kids to know, who the hell is Kane!

    Anyways, if you feel it’s time then probably it’s time.

    The greatest number of lies I have said was for the question, ‘How are you?’

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “Fine” to “how are you” is like “You’re welcome” to “Thanks”. Its rhetoric. Nobody asks the question to know whether you’re really ok!! I don’t count it as lying 😛

    I’m fidgeting with the mask too. But choosing to keep it. I like the comfort behind the mask.

    I guess, when its time and I am not comfortable behind it anymore, I may pull it off.

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  4. I love that shot …
    and I am keeping my blog name for sure.
    But I had already made the mistake of sharing the link with two of my close buddies and hence I cannot bitch about them. Not that they ever read what I post. But even then, I have risked it…

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    1. That’s exactly what weighs me down. Not that the people I’m protecting even know about the blog, but what if they were to find out how I really feel about them? It’d hurt them – and though I keep saying if people want to be remembered warmly then they should just behave better, I don’t think that they’d understand.
      So for now, I’ll be quiet about this.

      Like

  5. I feel that I can’t answer this question since I’m a little biased… Who’s behind the mask!! It’s cool to be anonymous, but my ego is too big for that, I want credit for everything! Pretty sad I know, and it definitely reigns me in a bit, keeps me from jumping off the deep end with what I say. Saying that if it’s going to reign in your honesty, then I’d rather you stay anawnimiss, because I love your writings.

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    1. Thanks Sreejit. That’s a very honest confession – and it’s great that you’re able to recognize the reasons behind your actions – because it is only after you acknowledge the reason can you change them, should you want to change them. Therein lies the difference between being and becoming.

      And I do have a feeling that taking the mask off will probably lead to censorship – and I think I’d rather speak my mind than be afraid of hurting people, so for now, I’m going to be anawnimiss.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I hate when people ask me how I’ve been. I dont want to lie to them, but I don’t want to tell them I’m miserable either. I’m either pretty sure they don’t care or I’m not willing to answer their follow up question which will be why. and that is just a really long story. so I’m always having to come up with creative ways to answer that question and not reallly answer. so I absolutely get that. About the mask, it would be a breath of fresh air, exhilarating to take it off. but hiding behind it would be more fun. keep everyone guessing. I love your blog. and anawnimiss or not, I would love it. and follow it.

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    1. Thank you for saying that! ❤
      The mask is definitely more fun, and it also keeps me honest, so I'm keeping it on for now.
      And thank you for saying you understand the futility of that question – it's like you get twenty chances to talk about how you are every day, but you can't. So stupid!

      Like

  7. Well, let us deal with it, one question at a time.
    No one is honest or even putting in a thought when they ask you about how you are doing, so if you felt you weren’t honest enough then not a problem 🙂 Plus I’m sure she would have started a back ward sprint if you told her how you really felt 😛 So cut yourself some slack 🙂

    Next being that being anonymous is a lot of hardwork, something that I can never do and the fact that I’m tech clueless and that I already have a harrowing time with one email id hence I decided to take the not so effective short cut 😛

    Being anonymous is a blessing and a pain. Pain because you end up being a website address with a few features like being quirky and awesome but no one gets to know the real you. What you are on the days that you don’t share your worth mentioning stories. And like it is rightly said, there is magic in the mundane 🙂

    But there are benefits too, like just yesterday night I had a dream that I shared my blog on google plus by mistake! I’m a spaz that way 😛 But then I panicked because I don’t want the people I know to know this part of my life. I’m extremely private and don’t mingle much nor reveal things about myself to the people I know. Its a lovely guard to have, like a wall that can be used to bar people who want to get too close.

    Ultimately its your choice, do you want people to know the real you, without the anonymous curtain or do you want to keep your privacy guarded. But know that I will always be your number one fan! 😀 Because the reason I love you is because of how and what you write and that is not going to change with a face next to it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I wonder why the weight? I guess your Mister and Giggles already know about the blog. So, the people who matter know your truth. Unless there is someone else you would like to open up to, why/how does it matter who in reality is Anawanimiss. If there’s specific someone that’s on your mind that’s causing the weight, go on and tell them. If there’s the thought of lying, then frankly there are trillions of people living on this Mother Earth Planet and people don’t truly know the people, they think they know. If a person on the other side of the planet doesn’t know that you are XYZ under Ana, then it’s not lying, it’s merely keeping your sanity, and theirs! 🙂
    Perhaps you should explain ‘the weight’ here. 🙂 Take care and wish you happy!

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    1. Thank you for the happy thoughts 🙂

      The weight mostly has to do with my family. My sister reads this blog, and she’s pretty sure it’s mine, but won’t say anything to me directly. I write about her, and it is a little unfair that I do so behind her back. Ditto for my boss, my parents, and my friends. Therefore the weight. 😦

      But I have realized that I only feel the weight in my weak moments – otherwise I feel very light behind the mask, and therefore I’m not taking it off right now.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I do wish i had stayed anonymous on my blog and other profile too.. because people ARE TEN FACED.. they say one thing – While THINKING of another and do COmpletely something new.. BUT say they did this because of something entirely untrue

    you get the point 🙂

    Plus it also helps when one is so angry to just get it out , this way i cant say something in anger he he he he 🙂

    on other hand its good to know who you talking to also, I know some bloggers and we share a good rapport.. so its UP to you what you think is good for you

    have i confused you totally now 🙂

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  10. I donno why, but I have this strong feeling to ask, ok scratch that, request you not to reveal yourself. You are doing pretty alright being Anawnimiss and I won’t like your real identity to mess up the feeling of it. You can call me selfish, and that would be perfectly fine, true in fact.

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  11. We all know that Batman is really Bruce Wayne. So maybe The Joker is the only one who doesn’t know? 🙂 So what is this about the photo shoot on facebook, and more importantly, why don’t I have the URL for your facebook????

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    1. Maybe I’m Batman and I’m paying Bruce Wayne to pretend to be me, and maybe that’s why he’s rich!
      And the pics are on Facebook, and the Facebook handle is on my blog, but how would you notice if you don’t take your eyes off the picture, Rob?! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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