of Sir stinks-a-lot

At the end of a long and weary Saturday at work in 2008, I finally packed my bag and got ready to leave, ever so inconspicuously. I did not want to attract the attention of the infamous Sir Stinks-a-lot who had been paying too much attention to me lately.

The attention-paying had begun with an innocent question about my marital status three days after I joined, followed by a casual “you must’ve got a lot of proposals in school because you’re so pretty”, and then an almost forceful thrusting of a blazer on my shoulders because “you’ll catch a cold” – all on the same day. Needless to say, I was flattered. Only until I realized that he wore the same clothes to work every day and stank like a dead pig that’s been lying on the road for weeks.

I’m serious. In the 18 months that I knew him, he only changed his clothes twice:

  • Client visit (the same day he forced me to wear his coat)
  • CEO’s wedding (he wore the same coat as if to remind me of something)

Anyway. A few months after the coat-thrusting, on a Saturday afternoon, we (four people) were working on a prototype for a shitty client who didn’t even pay for it in the end. I had announced, as soon as I walked in, that I had only until 4 pm – after which I had plans.

So as soon as my work was done and I had sent out the last set of emails, I slyly tip-toed out with my bag slung over my shoulders. I would’ve walked out unnoticed had it not been for the damned door that decided to shut with a loud enough bang to scare the shit out of me.

As I expected, Sir Stinks-a-lot noticed I was leaving, and offered to give me a lift because *surprise surprise* his work was done, too. I told him I was going to Noida, and he said No problem, I live in Noida (for fuck’s sake!) and I silently cursed myself for not saying Gurgaon.

Once in the car, he asked me all sorts of questions about  the purpose of my visit – and trust me, I did not have to answer so many questions the time I applied for a US Visa (that was last week, btw). When he finally figured out I was going shopping, he decided to accompany me.

I had chanted 101 fucks by the time I stepped into the first store. I was going to pick up the same pair of shoes I always have – the red and black converse, but he kept insisting I buy something different this time.

You know how sometimes chewing gum gets stuck in your hair, and you struggle with it for the first five minutes and then, exhausted, you cut your own hair off? I bought a pair of shoes he liked just to get him out of my hair.

But my ordeal didn’t end there. Hey, do you want to get something to eat?

Sure. I wasn’t hungry.

We walked into the nearest Ruby Tuesday. He ordered Rum and asked if I wanted to have a Mojito.

Yes.

I hate Mojitos. Not my drink. We just sat there for forty minutes, trying to make conversation. And then I did it. I texted my (now ex) husband.

Out on a force date with Sir Stinks-a-lot. SOS call needed. He didn’t respond.

Please call ASAP or I will die here. No response, again.

I called from under the table. Called and called until he finally answered, and then hung up. A few seconds later, my phone rang. I’m sure I sounded over enthusiastic as I pretended to be making plans with some old friends to watch a movie. We were going to meet “in ten minutes because the movie starts at 5:30.” Like that’s possible.

So I finished up my second drink, paid, and proceeded to walk out.

Ana! Wait, I’m coming along.

We reached the main gate, and I went kthanksbye on him.

Where are your friends?

Outside!

I’ll walk you out.

No no, I have to meet them at the-mall-across-the-road. They’re buying tickets.

What time is the show again?

5:30. 

You better rush!

Yes. Thank you! See on on Monday!

I walked as fast as I could without raising suspicion. I knew he was watching me, so I dared not go anywhere else. I walked into that mall, bought that ticket, and went in to watch that movie. I hated it. The fact that I had had two mojitos didn’t help.

But I think Sir Stinks-a-lot may have gotten the message, coz he didn’t bother me again. Until he got drunk at an offsite and told me how much he liked me.

Wondering why I brought this up now? Coz I’m about to meet him again tomorrow at a reunion of the old gang. I wonder if he will still be dressed in those filthy denims and that torn chequed shirt.

What do you think? Can a person change? Would you believe a person who wears the same clothes every day for 18 months and stinks really bad, but claims he showers daily? Any perspectives on what has to be wrong with a person for them to wear the same set of clothes every day for years? How would you wriggle out of a situation like this?

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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

33 thoughts on “of Sir stinks-a-lot”

  1. Was fun reading this one. lol.

    Somehow I can make the other person feel that I am not interested in a conversation with him/her right away with my facial expressions/body language/broken voice. Boss is a different thing though.

    I wonder if someone thinks the same about me. hehehe!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This guy was thick-skinned. Imagine being told explicitly that you’re stinking up the office and that you need to start taking a shower. This guy would just not react! So, obviously subtle hints would not work with him. 😦

      Like

    1. I maintained my distance from him from day 3 – he just took too long to get it!
      And the thing is, he wasn’t the violent type – just someone who would refuse to understand subtle hints (and even point blank questions such as ‘are you ever going to change?’ 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I can be blunt only in my head. Once I’m alone, I can think of a hundred witty things I could’ve said – but I suck at confrontation. It’s no surprise, then, that I put up with so much nonsense!
      Btw, one time I did spray half a bottle of deodorant at his workstation (he sat next to me) just to send the “you stink” message. He still wore the same clothes to work for the remaining year. :-/

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ew. Ew. Ew! I sometimes have to deal with some pretty stinky people at work, but fortunately only for a few minutes at a time.

        Do you think maybe he can’t afford new clothes? Or is he just *that* weird?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Heyyyy have fun and enjoy the reunion. . I am sure you going to enjoy and yeah people can change for sure..

    But be careful you might be drinking the mojito again on yet another forced date.. He eh he he

    Like

  3. Any one can change. And you don’t know for sure why he didn’t change his clothes. There are people who have hyperhydrosis-excessive sweating. Not helped I am sure by not changing his clothes. Perhaps you will get a surprise if he comes to the reunion and be pleasantly surprised that someone can change.

    Like

    1. I don’t understand why someone would wear only ONE set of clothes to work every single day for over a year. Surely clothes need to be washed?!

      I really do hope he has changed, though. He was a nice guy otherwise. The unwelcome advances I eventually learned to deal with!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Try killing him with boredom by relating every detail about your uncle’s accounting business?
    Tell him you have anger management/aggression issues?
    Tell him you know the entire vishnu sahasra namam and will begin chanting it and are pretty sure he’ll enjoy it.
    You have multiple personality disorder and can’t remember which one you are right now?
    You have mild lanryngitis (on again, off again) and it seems to come in when he’s talking?
    You have a hearing problem and keep making him repeat stuff louder and louder?

    Kidding, of course:) Have fun at the reunion!!

    Liked by 1 person

          1. A HA! I KNEW it! I didn’t want to call you out in front everyone, but I knew it!
            Girl – I totally need to get back over and read your updates. Shame on me!

            Like

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