Forever in Blue Jeans

I remember the first time I went out to a Karaoke in Delhi. It was at a pub called Knight Rider. After all of my friends (including Mister) had had a stab at singing, I finally gathered some courage and picked a song I had been singing in my head for years.

Money talks.

But it can’t sing and dance 

and it don’t walk.

As long as I can have you here with me,

I’d much rather be

forever in blue jeans…

My people cheered as I sang, for they knew about my obsession with Pepe’s Gina – a basic blue mid-rise straight-fit pair with exactly zero embellishments, which was hard to find in the day and age of monkey wash, stone wash, swarovski, patches, and other punky shit I did not care for. For that same reason, I owned four identical pairs, and that’s all I ever wore. Much like my black and red converse.

I sang the same song at karaoke after karaoke, until they stopped making Gina. I was miserable and lost. I shuttled from store to store for months on end to find my jeans – people kept  telling me they weren’t fashionable and nobody bought them anymore.

Soon, I found myself clutching at the last pair of Gina in the Pepe store at The Great India Place (a mall in Noida), wondering whether to buy it – it was black, and I wasn’t sure whether I’d ever actually wear it, because well, forever in blue jeans.

I bought it. I still have it, but I have only worn it six or seven times. (I hate that it’s not blue.) I kept wearing tattered jeans – which also eventually became fashionable and then it became impossible to find jeans without the worn out “look”. (WTF is wrong with people?)

So I didn’t couldn’t buy another pair for at least three years.

Eventually, I had to switch to skinny jeans that people swore looked really hot on me. I was changing so many things in life, such as my marital status, I didn’t think one more would make a big difference.

I was very uncomfortable at first, because my body was used to having way more space, and I wasn’t a fan of the waistline being dangerously close to my asscrack.

And now, after having worn skinny, low-waist jeans for two years, I can safely say there is a certain way that jeans make me feel – like I’m dying of crotch asphyxiation.

Seriously – jeans are impractical when the sun is spewing heat like it hates your guts and wants to wipe out your entire race. Not kidding – it’s fucking 50 degrees outside, and all the heat and the moisture have had some serious impact on my sexual wellness (read two painful bouts of vaginitis) in the recent past.

I’ve also got rashes and tingly thighs from crouching to plug my charger in at work. Not to mention the butt crack that peeks out if I bend ever so little.

So I’m giving up jeans and switching to skirts and linen pants and whatever else that’s not jeans. Who’s with me?

Ever noticed they don’t make normal person jeans anymore? Do you wear skinny jeans, and do you face the same problems? Have you ever been on the verge of giving up a type of garment completely? How hot is it where you are?