of the dog that was such a bitch

AP and N celebrated Ben’s arrival like that of a newborn baby. It was like the beginning of a wonderful time, fresh hope, countless possibilities, and tremendous confusion. How often does he need to be fed? Is it time to start potty training him? How do we work our shifts in office so he’s never left unsupervised? They lay awake at night wondering what he was doing.

I wasn’t so excited. I missed the way things were before Ben came. I didn’t hate him, but we wished I could. My feelings were all mixed up; so mixed up that I have neither the intellectual apparatus nor the vocabulary to describe it.

Anyway.

Ben was the most moody dog I’ve ever seen. He had just about enough patience to suck up to us when he wanted to be fed, but as soon as that was done, he’d crawl under AP’s bed and stay there until he got hungry again, much like a bored husband would roll over and fall asleep after he is done having his way with the poor wife. Believe me, the dog was a total bitch.

Seriously.

When he was teething, we would come home to stuff that had been chewed up in ways you couldn’t imagine. Think half-eaten (raw) potatoes, bits and pieces of paper tissue strewn across the house, chewed up mattresses. And if that seems normal, imagine crotchless panties, toeless socks, heel-less slippers. I can’t speak for anyone else, but all this made me want to rip his precious little teeth right out.

Once, Ben slyly took little sips from my rum and coke, got drunk, and got the glass stuck on his face with the alcohol still in it. The fucker couldn’t breathe, but he thought it would be a great time to go hide under the bed. I didn’t realize what had happened until I realized my glass wasn’t where I had kept it. I thought I was going nuts until AP found the trail Ben had left behind. The bitch had passed out under AP’s bed with a glass stuck to his face.

I’m pretty sure it was the first time I ever used the words ‘dog’ and ‘deathwish’ in the same sentence. People laughed for the longest time. Until Ben proved me right.

Do you have a pet as crazy as Ben? Do you think dogs can be suicidal? Did you miss me while I was away? 🙂

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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

26 thoughts on “of the dog that was such a bitch”

    1. Ha! Dogs do that to you, don’t they?
      I’ve been just about okay, Rob. Health keeps getting in the way, but I survive! ☺
      Btw, I’m glad you changed your mind about giving up blogging. Happy to have you back!

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  1. I have had one dog that I believed was the spawn of Satan himself. He was a Schipperkee and I will never have another one. They are not a popular breed because they can be mean and snappy. UGGGHHH!! I love animals, but not that one.

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  2. Hi Ana, I am from Pune … Always read ur blogs… Dealing with a high risk pregnancy and on bed rest since starting… Very depressed…. When things get hard to handle … I try to read few blogs and yours is one of them…. Would like to be in touch with you on daily basis… Can we do that…. Really looking out for a friend…. I am not fake neither a some weirdo….trying to get your attention… I hope we can talk…

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  3. No. Yes. And yessss!

    I was recently watching a video (possibly TED Talk) about depression and other mental disorders in animals. So I definitely hunk that a dog could be suicidal.

    I’ve never had a pet, but have been thinking about getting one when I move out. A dog would be my first choice, though, much of what you’ve detailed (i.e. chewed up belongings, the problem of supervision, etc.) are on my list of concerns before I get one. Let’s see.

    And I definitely missed your quirky stories, Ana! 🙂

    P.S. Who came up with the name ‘Ben’ for a dog!??? 😛

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    1. I don’t want to jump the gun on the next post, so I will conveniently ignore half of your comment and skip to the part where you said you missed me. *yay!*

      Trust me, get a pet only if you are a dog lover , not in the meh-I’m-generally-kind-to-dogs way, but in a OMG-I-love-love-love-dogs kinda way. Otherwise, you’ll just end up being miserable. I am, unfortunately merely kind to animals – I don’t ever want another pet because I don’t think I’d love him/her enough.

      Oh and calling the dog Ben was entirely my idea – his name was actually not Ben, but I wanted it to be and people vetoed it back then, so I took this opportunity to finally call him that! 🙂

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      1. I’m looking forward to the next post now!!!! 😀

        Yeah, I think I’m more like you. Something to really think about before I make the decision, because I worry about the poor animal being miserable if I can’t love them enough.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes, think long and hard about whether you actually want a dog, because it takes a lot of time, energy, and effort to love a dog – they’re ALWAYS looking for someone to play with, and I sure as hell can’t handle that. Mostly works out if there are kids in the house, but the adults still have to be the ones to tackle all the chores. It’s painful.

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