of idiots, copulating rabbits, and viagra

I drove down to office yesterday after working from home for two weeks, and I was appalled at the way the streets suddenly seemed infested with idiots. Remember the time I was disgusted enough to put my baby at risk just to teach the offender a lesson? This drive was WAY worse. It bothered me enough to come up with the following list.

  1. Pedestrians who are lost in thought as they cross the road. This one guy was so fucking busy thinking about whether to light that cigarette he didn’t even notice he was crossing the road while the signal was green. I almost hit him, and I wish I had broken more than his train of thought.
  2. People who think it’s ok to eat paan in a moving car, then swing the door open while the car is still moving, and spit out the blood-red remains on the road. Seriously. This old man in a Maruti 800 did exactly this, and I had to slam my brakes really hard to make sure I didn’t crash into his open door.
  3. Then there’s that guy shooting like a comet diagonally across a four lane road just to figure out why the owners of the cars parked on the other side of the road are fighting about.
  4. When I was still married to D (the ex) and learning to drive, he told me “I’m not putting an L sign on my car. L = Loser who can’t drive to save his ass!” I was offended. But now that I am driving and dealing with L signs, I know just what he meant. Though I am someone who understands learning curves all too well (I had to learn driving three times), I am finding it difficult to deal with people’s grossly underdeveloped road sense, sudden braking, and general dexterity of a plastic bottle.
  5. And then there’s the indecisive idiot. Imagine a man confidently strolling across the road with a head held high and a mind without fear, forcing you to slow down and then, just as you hit the brakes, he freezes in the deer -in-the-headlights mode until you honk and use hand signals that have nothing to do with road signs.

Believe me, the species seems to be multiplying faster than a bunch of rabbits on Viagra!

Have you come across any of these morons? Any that I missed talking about?

 

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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

25 thoughts on “of idiots, copulating rabbits, and viagra”

  1. I know in Georgia it is hit or miss with turn signals and with being able to merge. Most of the time people are pleasant about it when you are in a strange place. The residents seem to know when us out of towners get to that area and give us a break if we are about to miss that left sided merge to the highway. Those are rare here. There have been a couple of times I thought I needed the “L” on the side of my car. 😀 Then there is the idiot the other day that was weaving in and out of traffic like he was playing Need for Speed or something. Scared the hell out of me. Especially when it was involving tractor trailers and if one of those wrecks near you the pucker factor goes up 100 fold.

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    1. Yes. So many NFS drivers here in India – in fact, though I’ve never been a rash driver, I am able to zip in and out of merging lanes with amazing (and immodest) alacrity. But again, nothing can calm you down like a baby in your belly – I’m now slower than most people.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh boy ..

    have i come across such people OH yes hard to believe but some things dont change other than the Paan thing you will find the same idiots here in uk too ..

    I can write an essay I tell you if i start writing all those i meet or stop everyday …

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    1. So Indians don’t spit paan everywhere in the UK? Maybe we should have a cultural exchange of sorts where people can learn to live like human beings! :-/

      And if you decide to write that essay, you’ll find me cheering you from the front row!

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  3. Sad to say, but I have been there and seen all of those. After living out of our country for a bit, when I come back, I get terrified to go on the road for 2 days.

    The other thing of sadness is to know that nothing will ever change. 😦

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  4. Lemme see – there’s the young mother who swings too widely around the corner, nearly smashes into an oncoming car, then screams obscenities at the other driver from an open window while her friend laughs and her toddler looks on impassively from the back seat.

    There’s the ancient driver doing less than 20 mph EVERYWHERE.

    There’s the person who suddenly decides to pull into the side of the road without signalling.

    There’s the person who undertakes and swerves into your lane.

    There’s the fool who overtakes on a single-lane road, as you’re coming towards them, and they nip back onto their side of the road *just* in time.

    Darwin award competitors, the lot of them!

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    1. Damn. I should take notes from your list, L. I’ve come across each of these, and the worst is the one with the toddler in the back seat. People have no concern for their lives or anybody else’s, and I find this very strange!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s upsetting. Life is cheap, though, in many places. If we didn’t view it as a disposable commodity (other people’s lives, not necessarily our own) then our living/purchasing/political habits would be VASTLY different, worldwide.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. The ones that scare me the most are the ones wearing a dark coat on a winter night and crossing an intersection where there isn’t a zebra crossing, when it’s not their turn to cross while unassuming drivers are trying to make a blind turn into said intersection.

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      1. It happens routinely on my way back home from work during the winter. Sunset is around 4:30 PM, so when I get out by 5:15 or so, it’s pitch dark. Here are some things that blow my mind:
        1. There are shockingly few pedestrian crossings in the major intersections in my town. This leads to people crossing whenever they want and wherever they want.
        2. A lot of pedestrian crossings are not well lit. If you’re making a blind turn onto the crossing, good chance you won’t see it. If you are a regular, you’ll know a crossing is coming up, if you aren’t, may the force be with you.
        3. People wear dark coats and walk on dark streets. They don’t bother using the footpath even when one is available. I don’t think they value their own lives.
        4. Pedestrians and car drivers can never get along. To a pedestrian, the dude/babe in the car is such an arrogant di$$ and to the car driver, the pedestrian is an entitled brat who thinks he owns the road.

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        1. The footpath thing is seriously risky – one’s life is a huge price to pay for a little convenience, and I wonder why more people don’t see it that way. As Lizzie pointed out above, it is this way across cultures and countries, and it makes me wonder why we think we’re at the center of the universe if we’re going to be so daft about risking our survival!

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  6. Ha ha ha… you so had me at the title, then hit fully to home with the content. All the way over here, I share the same experiences in traffic – minus the naan. Then it’s usually MacDonald’s something, Ugh! Too funny, Ana. Hugs.

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