of molestrologers and new year resolutions – part 3

Call me old-fashioned, but I really don’t think it’s ok for an old astrologer to poke a pregnant (or not) woman in her genitals under any circumstances.

And trust me, though a dimwit thinks he has his wife convinced that his intentions were merely to demonstrate how to accupressure works on a pregnant woman’s ovaries, his marriage is in trouble.

How do I know this? Because at 7:45 am on the 29th of December, K. Santhanam rang my doorbell. Mom answered, and he said that:

• He has no reason to be attracted to me because he has an “active” relationship with his wife and he loves her very much.
• His loving wife was upset with him at first, but then understood that he was just “doing his job”.

Then, he asked to speak to me personally to sort out the “misunderstanding” – which I refused to do.

Then he told mom that I had overreacted without listening to his (cock and bull) side of the story. Mom decided to humor him, which was a mistake, because what ensued was three elaborate versions of how:

(a) He did not touch me on the right side but on the left because he was recently in an accident and could not possibly have moved that arm,

(b) He did not actually do anything and it must’ve been my own hand, and

(c) I put his hand on my crotch myself.

If mom were capable of saying fuck you, she would’ve. Despite her best intentions, she let him walk away with some of his dignity intact.

Now, it was up to me to do what I could to strip him of his reputation. I couldn’t get over how breathtakingly insulting his demeanor was. I started by telling everyone I knew in the Mayur Vihar area about what he had done, requesting them to tell everyone they knew.

Mom and the lady who lives next door went to the Ganesha temple to request that he be taken off the administrative panel. They promised to consider it, but did nothing about it.

Even so, by noon, the news had spread like wildfire. The phone was ringing off the hook, and we had several visitors who sympathized with me and promised to do what they could. Within a few hours, the man had lost his credibility among his social circle – which, at 70+, means a lot.

My brother asked if I was going to report him to the police. I dismissed the idea immediately. How am I going to shuttle between courts and the police station when I have a baby coming out of me? Besides, he’s getting what he deserves – ostracism.

But I was wrong. It took only a few hours for me to realize how easy it would be for this man to just shift to a new house and escape his punishment. By evening, I couldn’t believe I was going to bring a baby into a world where perpetrators of sexual violence can get away with just a slap on the wrist – because I was too lazy to step out of my comfort zone.

I discussed this with mom and Mister at length. If I don’t do this now, I will never be able to teach my kid to stand up for his/her rights. And if someone educated like me will back down because it is inconvenient for me to go to the police, how can I judge those that brush things like this under the carpet was all it took to convince them.

So I wrote to the Delhi Commission for Women (DCW) detailing the incident and asking for legal advice. I am yet to hear back, but I feel lighter because this incident taught me something I would like to teach my unborn child (who will probably be here this time next week to learn it!)

Always do the right thing even if it is bloody inconvenient.

This is going to be my new year resolution. This year, and every year after this one.

And to those of you who were kind enough to share my posts on Facebook, I can’t thank you guys enough! I came across some other women who have had similar experiences with the SAME GUY. They are helping, too.

Really, thank you. You made a difference. A BIG one.

of molestrologers and new year resolutions – part 2

A 72-year old astrologer molested me on the 28th of December. And what did I do?

Nothing. I just got up and left.

When Mister came home, I told him what had happened. I feel so dirty, I said, alternating between rage and disgust. He said nothing, just hugged me tighter every time I came close to tearing up.

Where’s mom?

At the temple.

The doorbell rang, as if on cue. Ma entered, beaming.

How did it go?

Very well. Santhanam’s wife taught me how to do puja properly in the Ganesh temple…

… while he was busy molesting Ana.

 

Mom was shocked out of her wits. Mister told her what had happened. It’s my fault. I should never have left her alone with him. 

No, it’s not your fault. He had no right to touch me. 

We sat in silence for a while, and then I got up and declared I was going to confront him. They didn’t want me to, because of all the stress it would cause.

I won’t be able to live with myself if I let the bastard get away – and that is way worse than the stress confrontation would cause.

So we decided to confront him in front of his family – we took our neighbours (who are Santhanam’s old acquaintances) along for support.

I huffed and puffed my way up to the top floor, where he lives. We stormed into the house and demonstrated to his wife exactly what he had done, and asked her if she thought it was indeed an accupressure demo, and whether ok for him to do that. She sat there shaking her head in disbelief, while Santhanam smiled menacingly and told me that he was seventy two years old and at his age, his intention was obviously not to molest me – he had merely touched me as a “doctor” would.

My otherwise quiet neighbor spoke up. Actually, no male doctor touches women this way. They always bring in female nurses to do the examinations. In fact, even for women’s lung exams, they check from the back, not the front.

I was not happy with the non-aggressive, rational tone the neighbor had taken. Tell me this, you pervert, would you be ok if my husband, who is a certified Yoga instructor, touched your granddaughter exactly how you touched me?

Santhanam slapped his hands together in a mock apology and said – Ok, you are right and I am sorry. Now please go.

The dismissive manner in which he spoke infuriated me even more than the inappropriate touching.

We left, but not before I told him I wasn’t going to leave him alone.

You’re going to be really sorry you did this.

Can you believe that he actually stuck to his “accupressure” story? Would you actually touch a person in their private parts to demonstrate how pressure should be applied?