You know how much I love mysteries. I woke up to one this morning. Better yet, I solved one!
Here’s what happened.
I lay snoring on our bed this morning when I heard some strange noises from the dining area. Mister and mom were talking loudly, which isn’t really a common occurrence. I was obviously worried and was finding it difficult to ignore the ruckus, so I dragged Mister’s pillow and dropped it over my head.
It didn’t help. I had to get up.
I hate getting up. Especially in the middle of the morning. It turns me into Crankenstein.
I dragged my lifeless body out of bed and crawled toward the dining area. Mister was holding a toaster – yes, a fucking toaster – in his hands. He looked bewildered.
No, not because I was up so “early”.
He was making toast for himself and had put a slice of bread in the toaster and turned it on. Two minutes later, he returned to the toaster, and voila, there was no toast.
Mom and Mister had been speculating the following theories when I woke up:
- Mister forgot to put the slice of bread in the toaster. He just thought he did.
- Mister did not really want to eat toast and was just trying to mess with her (which I kinda was leaning a little bit toward, seeing as Mister does not eat carbs and always tries to mess with mom’s head).
- This could be the beginning of his Alzheimer’s or some such serious disease that will take his life if we don’t take it seriously.
They were driving me nuts so I had to take charge and play detective.
Did I tell you that as a kid I wanted to be a detective like Vyomkesh and Sherlock? I knew the rules – no matter what the crime is, you start by interviewing witnesses and surveying the crime scene.
So that’s what I did.
Step 1: Interview the Victim. Ask the same questions again and again. See if he sticks to his version.
Me: Tell me exactly what happened. Start at the beginning.
Mister: You remember how Luthria (his doctor) told me not to have tea empty stomach?
Me: Skip to this morning dude, I don’t have all day to investigate a missing slice of bread.
Mister: I opened the fridge, took out the packet of bread, took out a slice, put it in the toaster, set the clock to 1.5 minutes, switched it on, and went on to go read the newspaper.
Me: How many times do I have to tell you 1.5 minutes is not enough! Are you absolutely sure you put the bread in the toaster?
Mister: Of course I am. There’s crumbs all over it. See?
Step 2: Survey the Crime Scene
I picked up the toaster and indeed. Breadcrumbs, and no bread. Nothing. Nada.
I checked around the toaster. Nothing there.
Then I decided to take a closer look, and there it was, lying on the floor, waiting to be discovered by my unsuspecting foot.
Me: Told you 1.5 minutes wasn’t enough time!
Mister: Clearly it was enough time for this thing to jump off the toaster and hide before I got back!
What about you? Have you ever played detective? What did you want to be when you grew up?