of how I survived two murder attempts in one night

This may come as a shock to you, but one of my closest friends tried to murder me twice in the same night. I thought this was yet another story I would end up taking to my grave, but after what I’ve been through the past few days, I don’t see how I can be quiet about this anymore.

It started as a party at Booyarang’s house, with Giggles and Fartsypants and Mister and one of my other friends you don’t know, whom I lovingly call the Sloth from Ice Age. We were up all night singing Deeply Dippy and Time of My Life; living, laughing, loving every moment of the debauchery. And before I knew it, my face was on fire. It’s amazing how your life can change within seconds.

Here’s what happened that night.

of (double) dates

You meet them through a common friend. You hit it off. They’re just like you; passionate, experimental, and full-of-life. You can see they like you too.

Could this be it? You look at each other and exchange we-have-finally-found-that-couple-we-were-looking-for looks.

They seem enamored enough now. Why don’t you guys come over for dinner next weekend?

Sure!

You know what that means. They will spend the night at your place. Ahem.