of futility of expression

We fought again. There was a screaming match, a whole lot of name calling, and crying. During that fight, I realized that I’m no good with words, especially when I’m in turmoil. I often say the wrong thing. Or the right thing the wrong way. I’m running in circles around what I want to say, and the harder I try the worse and more tangled my life becomes.

of an unsent love letter

Was cleaning up my mailbox today, and found this email addressed to the fiance a long long time ago when we were “just friends”, saved in the Drafts folder in case I ever gathered the courage to click Send.

Made me smile because I never thought these words would ever see the light of day. But again, life has a way of throwing curve balls at you when you least expect them!

of scars in love

But hey, the good thing is, I’m a dad now, he says with a bright smile on his face, trying to put off talking about unhappiness for another time. You’re usually trying not to yawn or roll your eyes when people talk about how unhappy they are. I understand, you say, but you never mean it.

But this day is different.

of raging wants

No, no, no. I’m not done. Actually, I am. I’m done. I can’t do this any more.

You don’t know it yet, but he thinks you sound squeaky when you’re angry. You don’t even care what the argument is about anymore. All you really want to do is hurt him.

How dare he point out your inadequacies when he knows that

of hope

So the fiancé met my parents yesterday. I’d like to think it went well, considering the warmth with which he hugged my father before he left, but it didn’t start that nicely.

I’ve never really thought much of my parents, and don’t get along with them at all. Mom was basically away a lot; she was (still is, actually) a struggling actor, which, by the way, I would happily give an eye and an arm to be. The thing is, she was really good and deserved more chances than she got, and I always sympathized with her on that front. The trouble is, she is always play-acting, and will mostly choose from among the following parts: