of idiots, copulating rabbits, and viagra

I drove down to office yesterday after working from home for two weeks, and I was appalled at the way the streets suddenly seemed infested with idiots. Remember the time I was disgusted enough to put my baby at risk just to teach the offender a lesson? This drive was WAY worse. It bothered me enough to come up with the following list.

  1. Pedestrians who are lost in thought as they cross the road. This one guy was so fucking busy thinking about whether to light that cigarette he didn’t even notice he was crossing the road while the signal was green. I almost hit him, and I wish I had broken more than his train of thought.
  2. People who think it’s ok to eat paan in a moving car, then swing the door open while the car is still moving, and spit out the blood-red remains on the road. Seriously. This old man in a Maruti 800 did exactly this, and I had to slam my brakes really hard to make sure I didn’t crash into his open door.
  3. Then there’s that guy shooting like a comet diagonally across a four lane road just to figure out why the owners of the cars parked on the other side of the road are fighting about.
  4. When I was still married to D (the ex) and learning to drive, he told me “I’m not putting an L sign on my car. L = Loser who can’t drive to save his ass!” I was offended. But now that I am driving and dealing with L signs, I know just what he meant. Though I am someone who understands learning curves all too well (I had to learn driving three times), I am finding it difficult to deal with people’s grossly underdeveloped road sense, sudden braking, and general dexterity of a plastic bottle.
  5. And then there’s the indecisive idiot. Imagine a man confidently strolling across the road with a head held high and a mind without fear, forcing you to slow down and then, just as you hit the brakes, he freezes in the deer -in-the-headlights mode until you honk and use hand signals that have nothing to do with road signs.

Believe me, the species seems to be multiplying faster than a bunch of rabbits on Viagra!

Have you come across any of these morons? Any that I missed talking about?

 

of unforgivable douchbag’ry

I don’t know how to make this story sound any more adventurous than it really is.

A few days ago, I begged the ex-husband to give me the camera we had bought when we were together, because let’s face it, DSLRs look really cool when you go trekking. Besides, we bought it for me, anyway. He graciously offered to let me keep it (at which offer I jumped) but I said Continue reading of unforgivable douchbag’ry