of flaws

She’s so… spunky, he’s saying. Obviously they’re talking about you.

I’ve always wanted to be with a woman like that. Driven. Independent. Confident. Sexy. She walks into a room and turns heads. She’s the hottest woman and the coolest friend rolled into one. You know what I mean?

You’re inching closer. You don’t want him to know you’re eavesdropping. She’s the kind of woman that makes you always want to hold on to, he says. You smile. You believe him.

Well, almost. You know he loves you, but always? You’ve never liked the idea of always. You know either of you can’t be absolutely loyal. It’s not in you. Both of you like being loved too much for your own good.

Also, he likes to be needed. All men do. You don’t know how long it’ll be before he realizes that you’re too driven. Too independent. Soon he will see that you can find your way around the world even without him; you don’t need a man to give you safety or money or happiness.

You know his reverence will eventually turn into resentment and that’s why the whole concept of always is so fucking flawed.

 

of opinions

Here’s a rough translation for my non Hindi-speaking friends:

Rapes can be prevented through a careful development of character.

1.  20 years ago, entire families would sit gathered round the television set watching the Ramayana. A scene with Ram, Sita, or Hanuman would result in exultations, folded hands, and heads bowed in respect.  We would wait all week for Sundays to arrive, for that is when we got to experience this out-of-the-world experience of watching our favorite gods come alive on T.V. We could think of nothing else, talk of nothing else all week.

2. Now, however, all we watch is pornography. You can pay the local shopkeeper Rs. 10 and he will load 500 porn video clips on your mobile. These clips are available to anyone and everyone, be it a 10 year old boy or an old man. This, in my opinion is the main reason rapes are happening. These porn videos are affecting the mindsets of hundreds of people.

3. We should have a system in place where the Senior Superintendent of Police in each district should give instructions to each police station to strictly punish those who download pornography on their computers or mobile phones by humiliating them in front of the public for five days and then putting them behind bars for six months.

4. Every single city has a Residents Welfare Association (RWA). These RWAs should keep close checks on drivers, gardeners, domestic helps, etc. They should randomly raid groups of said people sitting together to check their phones, because this is the strata of society that sits together and makes crude  remarks on women passing by. Keeping them in check will help the cause a lot.

5. I will respect every woman as though she were my mother/sister/daughter. Over their lifespan, people sign a lot of documents in banks, hospitals, and for employment purposes. Wherever signatures are required on a form, they should also be asked to sign against the statement –  I will respect every woman as though she were my mother/sister/daughter.  This will act as a reminder of the pledge every man should take. It will reinforce the good values almost like a small dose of a much-needed medicine.

Guess where that came from. An auto-rickshaw driver. Raghuveer has a stack of photocopies of this essay and he hands them to his sawaaris (passengers), hoping that one day the world will become safer for the women in his family.

Now I don’t think that things are as black and white as he thinks, but who would’ve thought that a barely-educated middle-aged Indian man in a blue collar job would have such well-defined views about sexual abuse. I’m impressed and thankful.

What do you think? Tell him at +91-995-835-8540.

Leave a note to let me know you did 🙂

 

 

 

of religion

This post touches upon two really sore topics – Hindu-Muslim marriages and gender bias.

Reader discretion is advised.

***

I am not a big fan of religion because of the inherent principle of there being a misogynistic old man in the sky that wants women to remain pure for their husbands and wear veils and traditional clothes unless they want to rot in hell. Oh but he loves you so much, he will send you to heaven if you follow all the rules (which, btw, include propagating your religion and making donations to  places of worship).

of an old book

They say that women fall in love with a man only once they get to know him. I’ve thought long and hard and can’t seem to remember a time I fell in love like that.

I choose my men rather like I choose my books. I want the cover to attract me and call out to me, look attractive. I need to feel drawn to it, regardless of what type of book it is. I’m impulsive. It’s usually a split second decision for me. But I’m also shallow, and I wouldn’t be caught dead with a book with an ugly cover. I never look beyond the cover the first time.

Once I’m alone with the book, I can’t wait to discover it, page by page. As I read, I’m aching to run my hands over the spine, making sure it’s there.

of parking problems

The guy who heads our admin department is a jackass. There, I said it. Putting my anonymity to good use, aren’t I?

Once, I was sitting on the pot inside the ladies’ loo, pooping. To my horror, someone poured water all over my bare behind from a hole in the wall where the exhaust used to be.

I wrote to the admin head about it, and he didn’t even respond. I crossed him twice during the next hour (yeah, I was loitering on purpose) but he didn’t bring it up.

I know. Jackass.

So today I was talking to a new employee who was upset that he didn’t have a parking spot, and a nice email-chain-triggered-by-naked-attacker memory came back.