of perspectives

We used to spend a lot of time together, and as any other twenty year old, I developed feelings for SN. I knew he liked me too, and we came really close to making out one day, but didn’t – because it felt wrong to be the other woman in his girlfriend’s life.

Besides, he was just so wrong for me. He used to drink and smoke and make dirty jokes I couldn’t even understand. And he claimed that he had had sex with his girlfriend but didn’t want to marry her. That last bit gave me a little hope but I knew he didn’t want to marry me either.

I once told a friend, incidentally the same friend who came to pick me up from outside SN’s house when he tried to rape me, I’m in love with the wrong type of guy.

But you know all that. I told you before. What you don’t know is why I pulled these posts out of my drafts now, ten years after this happened.

It was because recently SN contacted me, out of the blue, and I couldn’t deal with it for a number of days because he seems to have a completely different memory of what happened that day.

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After I got his messages, I didn’t know what to do.

I told my ex-husband, who asked me to either ignore him, or meet him and listen to his side of the story. I couldn’t do either, because I thought I had forgiven him and moved on.

But I was wrong.

I’m still angry. It has taken me years to get over what he did to me that day. For the longest time I couldn’t trust anyone or look at a man. It took me years of counseling for it to finally sink in that it was really not my fault.

And the fucktard thinks it’s okay for him to come barging into my life and discredit my memory of what happened that day?

He says I thought he tried rape. He says it was an easy word. He says he is disgusted and that I spoiled his life.

I say he’s a lunatic. 

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Published by

anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

27 thoughts on “of perspectives”

  1. It’s the entitlement again Ana. He doesn’t get it and never will. The problem isn’t that he feels disgusted by his attempted rape – he feels disguted that you had the courage to reject him and then go public. You have ruined his reputation, if anything. That’s what disgusts him – not his actions. It’s all about him. And always will be. Notice how he doesn’t even ask how you felt or apologise for his actions. Tell him to fuck off (as it appears you already did).

    Thanks for sharing this with us Ana.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right Paul. Notice that he also calls me ‘betu’ which is essentially Hindi for ‘baby’ – which I do not understand, because I sure as hell do not think of him in pleasant, relationship-y terms. I guess he’s only trying to rationalize so he can live. As they say, I don’t give a damn!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. there is one hindi movie released in late 90’s or early 2000’s, don’t remember the name. Its a mainstream movie. Two guys attempts to rape Manisha and she manages to escape. later in the college, they apologize to her and her college mates (including akshay kumar and some other heroes) tells her that she is so good looking that it’s not surprising that the guys in question couldn’t resist the temptation. So she should forgive them. I was like wtf..I guess it is the mind set of the people that gets reflected in such dialogues..I just remember the same when I read ur post

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  3. Treat this person as a non-existent; block him from all aspects of your life. I don’t think he even deserved the attention you gave to him during this short conversation, despite it being negative. Blocking is a wonder remedy for stalkers, attention seekers, bullies; the list is endless.

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  4. A part of me feels that you should listen to his side of the story but then as a lady I am sure you know what you felt that day and if you felt it was an attempted rape then that’s what it is.

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  5. it got me thinking about something else, the poetic justice of a person such as yourself, having been through what you did, being empowered with the gift of language. it’s really something else. what didn’t kill you made you a better writer. ever felt that way?

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    1. Every single day. I am thankful for all the mistakes I’ve made and the madness in my life – they are what I write about. And yes, I am a better person and a better writer because of these experiences. What didn’t kill me definitely made me stronger, but I guess I’m feeling strong enough now – no need for more adventures!

      Liked by 1 person

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