Kayso I’m gonna be a mom!

When I discovered I was going to be a mom, and that mine was going to be a high-risk pregnancy, the first thing I did was to document all the things that were about to go wrong with my life.

  • Curtailed movement. Less travel. US trip canceled.
  • Turning into a cow = massive wardrobe crisis coming up.
  • Sleepless nights.
  • Boobyache. Varicose veins. Restricted movement.
  • Giving up alcohol = social life finished = dying of boredom.
  • Less No sexytime. No alone time.
  • My mother telling me now you’ll see with an evil gleam in her eyes.
  • Career set back by a hundred years.

Shit. I don’t think I thought this through, I said as soon as Mister got home, showing him my list. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. 

No, you didn’t. There are some things missing here. Let me help.

  • More shopping, less work.
  • Bigger boobs.
  • Someone to blame your farts on.
  • An opportunity to raise a good human being.
  • Your brains + my charms + our collective good looks = one hell of a baby.
  • Having the only thing that beats the crap out of the law of diminishing returns.

Suddenly, life seems uncomplicated and happy. I think we’re going to be okay.

If you have a child, how did you take it when you realized the seriousness of the situation and its impact on your life? Is it true that children change you? Do you know of anything else that beats the law of diminishing returns?

 

 

 

 

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anawnimiss

Blogger. Crazy bitch. Stalkee. Weirdo magnet. Wannabe housewife. Corporate Slave. Find me at anawnimiss.wordpress.com!

65 thoughts on “Kayso I’m gonna be a mom!”

  1. Congratulations and I hope your pregnancy proceeds well, especially under the circumstances. What I was unprepared for and hit me hardest was the sheer impossibility of getting out the door when my son was small. While in theory, breastfeeding is portable and I know we did go for walks out with the pram etc but I just couldn’t go out the front door on my own without planning, thought and a complete lack of spontaneity. That said, both my kids were fully breastfed and a bit of formula now and then wouldn’t have killed them…or me!
    Perhaps, you’ll have some help with the baby but you are still MUm.
    xx Rowena

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    1. Thanks R! I am sure I will get help (it’s not uncommon for us Indians to have nannies or full-time housekeepers), but you’re right, I’m still mommy and I still need to make decisions and sacrifices. The whole idea of being tethered to another human being, and lugging around a bag full of supplies if at all I step out for two long years is what scares me the most! But I guess I’ll make it 🙂

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  4. Congratulations, Ana. I think that the pro’s outweigh the cons in your list. I leave it up to you to figure out which ones I like the most. 😀 When we were expecting our first child, it really didn’t hit me until my wife stopped working. Then I realized there were big changes ahead. I hadn’t thought through the financial aspect of raising a child. However, life has a funny way of moving ahead whether you’re ready or not, so I moved forward with the inertia of time. As far as children changing me, only in the respect that I had to take my job more seriously. More people were now dependent on my income, so that had to be secure. Other than that, I remained – and remain – the person who I was prior to being a dad.
    I think that you’ll be an amazing mom, and I look forward reading about your new and amazing journey in life.

    All the best,

    Rob

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    1. Thank you Rob! ❤
      Though life will not be the same, I am looking forward to it, coz I don't think that I am going to change that much. I'll still be Ana. I'll still have the same value system. I hope.

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  5. I love your lists. The pros are definitely very true (experienced). But don’t focus too much on the other list. Shopping for maternity chloths is fun. You will be proud of your belly, the bigger, the better. And also all the other things don’t need to happen for you. Just enjoy each moment. The first tiggeling, the bumps in your belly,… and so much more. This is your time which is for you and your baby only! Still so happy for you!!!

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      1. That is right! I remember that so well. I even tried to make my belly deliberately bigger … haha. I couldn’t wait to finally have visible or sensable signs. After almost 4 months I felt a little tiggeling (like bubbles) very deep down. That was the first “bumps”. Please, please keep us posted about the “progress” 😀

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  6. Many congratulations Ana 🙂 yeah it’s overwhelming and quite frustrating sometimes. But having my daughter and being her mother is my best dream come true. She has changed me, my life in ways I had never thought possible. Can you believe that I wasn’t too keen on marrying or having a baby. Still here I am, my whole being centered around my little girl and I’d not have it any other way. I feel totally blessed. 🙂

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    1. Thanks Kavs. I never thought I wanted to have a kid until Mister happened, so it feels great to talk to other women who never really wanted a kid but ended up having one – it puts the whole fear thing in perspective for me. 🙂

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  7. Congrats!!! Again life would would be very different… But you guys will be okay. Many people have been there and done that 🙂

    (from an unmarried man :D)

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  10. It will definitely change your life forever. You will have some of the most amazing experiences. Your heart will open and you will become vulnerable to the joys and some not so joyfull moments of your life. At the end of your life, hopefully, it will also bring many pleasant memories.
    Leslie

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  11. Hmmm. Mister is a sharp cookie, isn’t he? From an entropic view of the universe, the major thing we do to make humanity anentropic is to have children who carry on our genes ( or jeans, Ha!)

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  13. His is the much better list. 😀 However, yes. Life does change. It can’t help but change. And the limitations don’t last forever and they don’t have to occur at all. Buy a baby sling and go hiking with the baby. Sharing the discovery of the world all over again in the wonder of your child’s eyes. End of your social life….nah…only if you let it. This also the time you find out what friends will stick with you and are true friends and which ones are the ones who only like you because you party. You will find new friends and a broader life and experiences.
    I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant both times. The worst times ever to be pregnant both times, but I would not change having my children. Even with the trials and difficulties.

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    1. Okay, what you said about buying a baby sling and going hiking, it’s something Mister keeps telling me. That and something about noise canceling headphones at a party. 😀
      And I wish I could skip to the part where I find out who my real friends are. Chances are it’ll mostly be the ones on the internet, coz this is where people really know me 🙂

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  15. Both the lists are true! 😀 Children do change us! I find they make us happier and contended people. One reason is because I don’t have time to dwell on the negatives. The moment I reach home, I am greeted by a screaming little devil running towards me with a ragged doll, calling out “mummaa, mummaa” and there melts all my worries! I am too busy spending time with him and capturing his little antics to dwell on anything else. Same goes for Simba.

    As for the shopping and clothes, darling, you’ll consider yourself lucky if your clothes are spared of the milk, pee and poop for a day. The day you don’t stink will be a good day, new clothes or not! 😛

    But of course you’re going to be okay. Its tough and beautiful at the same time – to raise a part of yourself! You’ll see. Once that little one is out, (almost) all your current worries will disappear! I’m not saying new ones won’t come. But you’ll learn to trust yourself to know best about him / her. 🙂

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    1. “Once that little one is out, (almost) all your current worries will disappear! I’m not saying new ones won’t come. But you’ll learn to trust yourself to know best about him / her.”

      Ha ha.. I like how you put it in a glass half full kind of way! And I’ll be honest – altruism is not my strongest suit, and making decisions for someone else really scares me. But like Anoop said – everyone’s doing it, it can’t be that tough! 😀

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  16. Congratulations and Celebrations!! A lovely new phase about to begin for you. Enjoy the pregnancy time. It is the only time when you get pampered/cared/loved so much. I blackmailed the most out of my husband in this time. And we both loved it.
    As for changes, the 2 yrs after baby and the yr before (preg) will be difficult. Lot of planning, lot of management required, but it’s all beautiful if you care to enjoy. Job, career, individual life, all you’ve been experiencing for quite some time now, and they will go on even later. But, kids grow out of their childhood very quickly. And, you’re the only one who misses it later. The small things like watching him sleep peacefully in your lap while you watch her/him. Being a working woman myself, I think my biggest regret is not making more time for him in the first 2 yrs, not because he missed something, but because I missed watching all that. My son is 4 yrs now and my career/ambitions/travel, everything is pretty much back on track. So, don’t worry be happy 🙂

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    1. I have decided to either not work, or work from home for the first year after the baby’s born, so I can spend enough time with him/her. But I’m so relieved to hear that life gets back on track. And love the prospect of blackmailing Mister 😉
      *hatching evil plans now*

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      1. Hahaha! Trust Ana to find the mischief from a long message of advice! 🙂 😀 Enjoy the new phase!! Happy for ya and your Mister! 🙂

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  17. Wow! Seems as if God read my mind and made you write this post. Have been a lurker here (subscribed to your blog though) and never commented. Found out the same news a week back and had to cancel my US work trip too!!! Last week has been a mix of emotions – happy and freaking out at the same time. Your hubby’s list just brought a big smile on my face and took away some of my anxiety (the biggest was losing my perfect figure), at least for the time being 🙂 Congratulations and take care!

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    1. Hey Nancy! Glad to see you come out of hiding, and I hope you’ll stay. Congratulations, and whoa! It is so uncanny that we had pretty much the same twist in the tale! But I do hope that your pregnancy (and life after that) goes smoothly. 🙂

      And I share your anxiety about your body image. I’m mortified when I look in the mirror – there are beginnings of love handles that make me cry. It’ll take a lot of hard work to get back in shape, you know!

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  19. I like both your lists! Mine would for sure resemble yours. It’s nice that his optimism kinda battles with your glass-is-half-empty-list. 😉 Wish you both (2.5 for now?) lots of happy and healthy days to come.

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  20. First of all please accept my congratulations!!~! Welcome to the parenting world! I have 2 kids, a 10 year old and a 6 year old, I thoroughly enjoyed both my pregnancies, loved the attention, pampering and care that came with them. I worked from home for a year, the husband was an independent consultant then and he decided not to work for 6 months, he did this for my first born. He stayed home and spent every waking moment with his princess. Everything will be fine, do not get stressed, just enjoy and go with the flow. Have a wonderful, happy and a safe pregnancy 🙂

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    1. Thank you, Deepa. I’m trying not to get stressed, but the pampering is driving me nuts!
      And what a lovely gesture by your husband, not working for a while just to spend time with the baby! Hold on to this one 😉

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  21. Oh yay! You are going to be a fabulous mama. I’m so excited for you.

    My advice: enjoy the boobs – they are fabulous right after birth, too!

    My silliest mistake was believing that I’d have sooo much time during my 6 week maternity leave. I put in a huge garden the May before she was born (July birthday) – I didn’t step outside the house! That won’t be you, but I was completely unprepared for how unprepared I was. Kid #2 was much smoother. Kid #1 turns 21 in a few weeks. I still can’t believe I survived!!

    Did I tell you how excited I am!?!?!?

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    1. *hugs* Yes, you did!

      Can’t believe you actually planted a garden when you were pregnant! People are constantly telling me horror stories from their childbirth and feeding experience, and I can’t even lift my middle finger to show them. There’s just no energy!

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  23. Hearty congratulations to you. 🙂 I was in awe of your wit alone until I read the part where the second list is presented by your husband. The child has to be the king of wit. Take care 🙂

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  25. I’m a stalker finally getting out of the shadows for this one 🙂 Congrats, Ana! Life will change immensely but parenting is the most rewarding, frustrating, fun, did I say frustrating(?) thing you’ll ever do. You’ll realize a new kind of tiredness but one that’s put to shame by the sheer joy you’ll feel when your baby learns to smile at you. It’s such an intense, roller coaster of an experience that I’m out of words.

    Rest A LOT. Let your pride go and let everyone pamper you and help you – you’re making a human for cryin out loud! Get massages! Get pedicures! Go out on dates with the hubster! Buy super cute maternity clothes. Basically, do things for yourself because once baby comes, it’ll become all about him/her.

    Some words of wisdom, if you’re depressed after childbirth, admit it and get help. In hindsight, I was and am sad to have missed out on my daughter’s first several months because I was too proud to ask for help(going back to work helped me snap out of it). People don’t talk nearly enough about this very important aspect of postpartum recovery.

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    1. Oh I love stalkers! Bet you already knew that! 😉
      Nice to meet you, Krith, and thank you for all that wonderful (and relevant) advice. I’m sorry you missed your baby’s initial few months. I can imagine how guilty you must feel. I’ve only heard about post-partum depression, and learning from your example, I will do everything I can to stay vigilant and nip it in the bud.
      I hope that you won’t go sneaking back into the shadows now. Please stay. I like talking to you!

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      1. I’ll stay in the light now 🙂 I do feel guilty about the lost time but I bet baby won’t remember, so I’m going to move on and enjoy the babbling toddler now!

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  26. Hey. About the wardrobe crisis… there’s maternity wear out there that’s pretty darned cute… sometimes cuter than ‘regular’ clothes. So looking forward to seeing pictures of you in those… I know you’ll pick up great stuff for yourself!

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  27. Hi there!
    Found you through IHM’s blog. First of, Heartiest congratulations. I can identify with your list so much!
    We have a 21 month old son. When I found out I was pregnant, my first reaction was not happiness. Something I feel guilty about till today! It was the fact that I do not have a doctor (I reside in US and one generally has a Primary physician) and that I have one more thing on my already hectic schedule to find a doctor. Once that was taken care of other things started popping in my mind… is it too soon? (we had just decided to have a baby, and in my mind I knew it takes a long time to make a baby!) Am I emotionally ready? Will the hubby and I make good parents. How will we go on hikes (both of us are avid hikers) and travel? Amidst all these question I am not sure if there was actual happiness or not. I think the first time I actually felt connected and happy was when I heard the first heartbeats inside me 🙂
    About children changing you – yes, they do (any big change changes us). Some parts of you at least. They also do change the relationship between the husband and wife. Rather the dynamics of the relationship and not the core relationship. Also, there are some aspects of life that do change – things like you can rarely do anything at a minutes notice. But with some adjustments you can still have parts of your “old life”. Like we still go on hikes with the kiddo, but have to limit it to 3-4 hours hike (or hike when one of the grandparent is free to babysit).
    It is a fun but different journey. Best of luck on your pregnancy!

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    1. Thank you, and so sorry it took me so long to realize I hadn’t yet responded to you.
      “Am I emotionally ready?” is something I have asked myself thousands of times since I got pregnant, and the answer was always an unsure ‘maybe’. Six months into the journey, and I’m still not sure I’m absolutely ready for the responsibility. But I’m definitely loving it. My mind and my body are both changing, and I know it’ll never be the same.

      But hearing the baby’s little heart beating inside and feeling him/her move makes everything seem so perfect! ❤

      And you're right – though I know my old life is never coming back, I also know that my new life is going to be far more exciting than anything else. Watching someone you created grow up has got to be fulfilling!

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  29. I came here via IHMs blog. I have a 17 month old and having her has been the best thing in my life so far 🙂 Babies are amazing. You get to re-discover the world through their eyes. Being out with my now toddler daughter and watching her discover things like butterflies and flowers and puppies is such a delight. It’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My only advice is get all the help you can and try to have your partner be as involved as possible. Watching my husband bond with our daughter and be a hands on Dad was well worth the nagging it took to get him there 🙂 Also read up all you can. I find doctors in India scare folks needlessly. So just take care of yourself and do what works for you 🙂 Enjoy the journey and have a safe pregnancy and birth.

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    1. Oh I love how you talked about your husband bonding with the little princess! And thank you for the wonderful comment about rediscovering little joys like butterflies and puppies with your toddler. It sounds amazing – I’m really looking forward to this part of my life.

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