of being freshly depressed

You know how I was hurt in a car accident earlier this week, right? I had to fill a claim form this morning with one hand – I can’t move the other yet. My shoulder is swollen and hurts if I move even a little bit.

When I sleep, I dream of shards of orange plastic and glass and a biker flying past my car. I can still feel the whiplash and the suddenness of it all. I see the events unfolding in slow-mo; in an all-too-alarmingly-familiar sequence. I panic when I see the biker finally hit the ground and his helmet come off. 

I get the feeling that it will take me a while to stop thinking about that moment. And yet, it is not my worst nightmare. This hand-me-down philosophy is:

Seriously? Fuck me in both eyes.

Even an auto driver knows better.

Why is “dress decently” number one on all such “guidelines”? What in fuck’s name should I do to “behave decently”? 

And pray, tell me how anyone can avoid traveling in crowded buses and trains. Are you buying me a new car, you fucktard? If so, you should probably buy all women their own cars so we don’t have to take public transport. And while you’re at it, put in streetlights everywhere, and make sure they work. You make me want to shove your fucking nuts down your throat. 

I was molested, at age seven. In broad daylight, in a house. I was too young to be dressed indecently or behaving improperly, or even to defend myself.

Let me tell you this, you dim-witted moron, I am street smart. I can tell you this: All you need to do to keep me safe is stop making it sound like it’s my responsibility to avoid being raped. 

You fuck-all checklists are brainless. To illustrate, here’s an equivalent of the checklist you created, specially crafted for men.

Ways to deal with the ‘urge’ to eve-tease/rape:

1. Stand in front of a mirror and chant “I will not rape” ten times every morning.
2. Refrain from eating chowmein or non veg.
3. Don’t step out after sundown – because rapes only happen in the night.
4. Carry an ice bucket at all times. If you sense an erection, pour it on your dick.
5. Avoid boarding buses and trains where women are present.
6. Do not go to nightclubs. See # 3.
7. Wear a blindfold. That way you can’t see women. No see = no rape.

Are you as appalled as I am? Do you actually believe that dressing ‘decently’ and behaving ‘properly’ is what will stop a man from raping a woman? Do you want to add to the above checklist for men?