of absences

It’s finally time for the next round of revelations. Actually it’s been that time for a while. I have been busy packing for my Bangalore trip to be with Mister, so haven’t been very present in the blogging world.

So where were we? You know that the obsession with shoes and the date rape threat are real. So is the fear of all flying insects, including butterflies.

That leaves us with two possible lies: (a) Giggles and I not being in touch for a while, and (b) the tattoos.

You know what happened once upon a time with PepTalk – and how she thought Giggles and I were ganging up against her and how I stupidly sent a text about PepTalk to PepTalk.

After that, things kinda went south. Giggles focused all her energies on making PepTalk feel loved – because that’s who she is; she can’t see her friends in pain.

And you know me; even in my closest friendships I have always maintained a safe distance, and what PepTalk did completely drove me away. PepTalk and I had ostensibly sorted things out, but for me these things leave a bad taste in the mouth and things can never go back to being hunky dory again. She was being kinda territorial, so I backed off from Giggles. Aside from a customary lunch break, which the entire group took together, I took most of my breaks at my desk on the second floor. Mister would come up once in a while to say hello refill his coffee mug.

Things were ok until I broke my foot and had to shift to the ground floor. Since people knew I was pally with Giggles and PepTalk I was given a seat between them. That made things super uncomfortable. These two ladies would talk incessantly – and I often felt like I was getting in the way. One day, I offered to exchange seats with Giggles so they could sit together. They jumped at the opportunity and talked even more. I couldn’t understand how two people could discuss everything – from makeup to clothes to work. They ran all their decisions by each other, and that drove me away further. To be honest, we never had another fight again purely because I wasn’t interested.

All this while I knew Giggles and I would get along really well – and I was right. When I finally switched offices, Giggles and I stayed in touch. And then we became closer than ever before. ❤

So there – that’s the truth about Giggles and me.

The whole tattoos thing has to be a lie!

Or does it? Could I not have lied at all?

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of malice

At first I decided not to write about this; to not tell you what happened tonight. But I’ve come to depend on this sharing. When I can’t figure out how I’m feeling, writing to you seems to be my only way out. So here goes.

Much against Mister’s advice, I went out dancing, alone. We fought about it – he was concerned about my safety and I was concerned about my mental health. I haven’t done anything other than work-sleep-work for the last two weeks and I’ve had it. My life is a fucking nightclub, and I’m starting to feel out of place. Again.

I’d have let it go, but today was one of those days when I just couldn’t bear being indoors anymore; I couldn’t bear being the. weaker sex. It felt like I was dissolving into the shadows little by little – becoming nothing in his absence. Like I didn’t exist as an individual. Who says good girls can’t go dancing alone?

So I went to that club to sit in that stool by the bar. And secretly, to see if A. was going to be there. I hadn’t met him since he told me he was in love with me. After what happened last time, would he even acknowledge my presence?

Maybe not. But somehow, I needed to know tonight – I needed to know that I owned his heart. It’s not like I wanted to act on it, but I have been attracted to him for a long time, and I needed to know he was still in love with me. Does that make sense?

To be honest, I wasn’t sure whether to go in, so I stood outside for a few minutes, trying to make up my mind.

Another couple that frequents the place dragged me inside, and A. was the first thing I saw.

But he was wrapped in a pair of arms – and those arms belonged to someone I know intimately. Someone who knows about my history with A and how I feel about him. They were swaying to a song. My song. And when I asked Giggles to meet me today, she told me she was busy with work.

How long has she been lying to me for?